Ask James: “I Want To Have Sex But I Live Under My Parent’s Roof – What Should I Do?”

James Kavanagh puts the world to rights by answering your problems the way only a gas bitch can.

Q: I’ve just moved back home because college is starting again and, quite frankly, I’m broke. I have a boyfriend of 3 years now, but my parents are a bit ‘no sex before marriage’, so he’s not allowed near my bed when he stays over. He’s strictly on the couch. Any ideas on how we can have the ride in secret?
Edel, Athlone

A: My parents shared this viewpoint too when I lived at home. Although, I feel like my situation was far more unfair; gay marriage wasn’t even legalised, so I saw no hope! You need to walk around your house with the boyf and both take a mental note of where all the creaks and noises are in the floors.

Then put little stickers leading to your bedroom where there is zero noise, and thus you have a noise-free path to the ride. Now, if yiz are noise-makers when having sex, you’re going to have to gag each other.

Got a problem? Snap James @jamesksnaps or email info@stellar.ie with the subject line “Ask James.” 

This feature first appeared in STELLAR’s October issue. Our November issue is on shelves now!

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