The Dating Diaries: And Just Like That I Have a New Boyfriend

After an absolutely morto experience, our dating columnist has found herself a fella.

couple holding hands

I never thought it’d happen ever again; I thought I was destined for spinsterhood, and to be honest I’d actually made my peace with it. But as the old saying goes good things happen when you least expect them – and boy was this goooooood!

I’d decided that I was no longer cut out for dating after trying to have sex like a man (and totally failing), but then the unthinkable happened. I was running late to work, sans make-up and dripping in sweat as per, when I completely snotted myself  while crossing the Ha’penny bridge. I was so morto. The contents of my bag spilled everywhere and my knee was pumping blood. Passers-by stopped to help, but I was cringing so much I couldn’t make eye contact with them.

Just as I built up the courage to stand up I felt someone grab my bag. I couldn’t believe that someone would actually try and steal my stuff while I was in this vulnerable state so, naturally I made a swing for the rodent with my free hand. Big mistake. It turned out to be an absolute ride of a guy doing the gentlemanly thing and picking up my bag for me.

“I’m so, so, so, so sorry, I… I thought you were trying to… oh, I’m so embarrassed!” I said to him and he just started laughing, like hysterically laughing. What was so funny? Did I have something on my face? Is he laughing at what an embarrassment of a human being I was?

“You’re alright. I’m not really into stealing distressed women’s bags,” he laughed. “Do you wanna go grab a coffee to calm you down?” Naturally, I agreed and we locked in a time for later that day.

When we parted ways he leant in for a sneaky kiss; it was AMAZING.

We spent about four hours in Starbucks and we got on so well it was like we knew each other for years. He’s the full package; nice, hot, successful, great bod and funny. I’VE HIT THE BLOODY JACKPOT, and it’s all thanks to my clumsy ways.

When we parted ways he leaned in for a sneaky kiss; it was AMAZING. He took my phone and put in his number and told me to give him a text if I wanted to meet up again. So obvs I stalked him on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter when I got home and waited an appropriate amount of time to text him; four hours FYI.

We met up the next day and the next and the next, until four days after we met, he said “I know it’s soon but, um, you know, do you wanna, er…” he trailed off. I cringed a bit at his awkward proposal, but without any hesitation I agreed to be his girlfriend.

And there it is; I am no longer destined for spinsterhood. Hurrah!

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