If you are reading this in the midst of going through a failed relationship, know this: I feel ya. There’s little else as nauseatingly painful as a breakup. I compare it to the person closest to you passing away – except they’re very much alive, out there living their life, you just can’t have anything to do with them. Because let’s be honest, can exes ever really stay friends? Perhaps there’s an exception to the rule, but on the main part, breakups are very much a period of mourning. You’re grieving the loss of your best friend, your lover and the future you thought you had together in one fell swoop.
In a word, they’re shit. There’s no dressing it up, and sometimes inspirational quotes on Instagram about how you’re an independent woman who don’t need no man just don’t help when you’re in this tornado of pain. You know what does help though?
Mourn, but don’t wallow
Remember in The Gilmore Girls when Rory refused to get in down in the dumps about her split with Dean? Yeah, don’t do that. You simply need to have to have that time on the sofa, with a duvet and some crappy food. As long as it doesn’t become a long-term thing, this period is ESSENTIAL.
Hang out with your friends
But do something non-boozey. We’re told that the best cure for breakup blues is a night on the tiles with the gals. I beg to differ. Getting drunk in this fresh stage of pain is not going to help. In fact, it might trick your brain into wanting to call him and leave soul-destroying voicemails, and the hangover the next day is just going to make you even more needy. Get together with the girlos, but maybe stay in with cups of tea instead. At least for the first few weeks…
Never underestimate the power of a good comforting film. I’m talking Legally Blonde, Spice World, John Tucker Must Die, Bridget Jones… Watch them with pride.
Blast those tunes
Music is also a great healer, and you can adjust it to your mood. Feeling like you wanna cry? There’s Adele for that. Suffering terrible angst? Stick on Alanis Morrisette. Is rage coursing through your veins? Try out some Limp Bizkit. My fave is Break Stuff…
Block, block everywhere
Honestly, no good comes of having an ex pop up on social media. Even if you ‘hide’ him, the temptation to do some good ole’ fashioned creeping is always there. You might think you can handle an album of him and his mates on a stag weekend away, until you see him looking cosy with some pretty blonde. Do yourself a favour, bbz, and block.
Start a class
Once you’ve nished the wallowing stage, getting out there and working o your anger and disappointment in the gym is the best kind of therapy. When I say class, I don’t mean yoga BTW – consider something like box t. Get it all out.
When you’re going through a grim time in your life, you need things to look forward to. Get busy by planning nice things to do, whether it’s a spa day with your sister or a concert with your pals. If ever there’s a time to treat yo’self, this is it.
Focus on you
In failing relationships, so much energy is wasted on trying to ‘fix’ things. In fact, you start to lose a part of yourself as you are so dedicated to making things work with this other person. Now that you no longer have such a drain on your time and energy, it’s time to get you back. Have you been wanting to join a book club? Did you want to start an online course? Are there hobbies you’ve always enjoyed but have been neglected in recent times? Now you’re free to do whatever it is that makes you happy, without worrying about yer man. See, even in this grey period, there is a silver lining.
This article first appeared in the August issue of STELLAR Magazine. Our September issue is on shelves now.
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