From FWB to marriage, babies and more. Is it ever a possibility?
It’s a familiar tale.
One minute the two of you are bessie mates and the next minute you’re banging. Then BAM! Before you know it you’ve been hit by a truck load of feelings for your new bed buddy.
The ever-complicated friends with benefits sitch is by no means a new one. In fact, it’s becoming ever the more common as busy millennials opt out of the time-consuming commitment of a relationship, and instead turn to a friend who can fulfil their, um, anything but platonic needs.
But, when you’re a few months or even weeks in and you suddenly find yourself catching feelings for your FWB, is it really such a batsh*t crazy idea to think you can go from f*cking to forging a relationship?
We picked up the blower and asked Pat Grange, a counsellor with Relationships Ireland, that very question and there’s good and bad news for FWB-ees who wanna move their casual hookup to the next level.
“There are an awful lot of variables when it comes to this type of relationship,” Pat confirms. “It can be a great idea, but what people sometimes forget is that we’re all human. We’re all driven by conscious and unconscious impulses and what might start of as a conscious agreement to keep things casual can change. One person can unconsciously develop feelings and the other doesn’t, and then suddenly there’s a problem.
But all is not lost. There is still hope for this tricky sitch.
“I couldn’t say that no it would never lead to anything,” Pat assures. “It could, but it depends on where both people are coming from, and it depends on how honest they are with themselves and with each other.”
So it’s certainly possible to move things forward, but how do you know that your FWB is as invested as you are?
“It’ll be very clear depending on whether or not you spend time together as a couple. Ask yourself if you do things together that don’t revolve around you ending up in bed together,” Pat advises. “Making the time to see the other person outside of when it suits is also important.”
And what if you’ve both decided that you do want to make a go of things outside the bedroom?
“If both parties want it then it should happen naturally, provided that they are on the same page and nether of them are fearful of the commitment of being in a relationship,” Pat concludes.
But, on the off-chance that things aren’t progressing quite so naturally, then an open and honest conversation about where you’re going might be a good place to start.
Get the latest news, hottest trends & biggest competitions to your inbox.