Slacking Sex Life? This NSFW Trend Could Be The One To Try

Could exhibitionism be the answer to a slacking sex life? Grace McGettigan finds out...

Tantric sex

Do you ever feel like getting raunchy in the bedroom just doesn’t cut it, and find yourself fantasising about having sex anywhere but on those boring, plain, old sheets? Sex and Relationship Therapist, Teresa Bergin, has two private therapy practices in Dublin, and she says it’s okay to venture away from your mattress every now and again. “We tend to associate sex with night time and the bedroom, but there’s no rule that it should be confined to one time or location.” She adds, “Many couples like to vary their sexual activity by having sex in different rooms in the house. It adds difference and changes up the routine. This can be especially helpful if a couple have gotten ‘stuck in a rut’ around sex. A little variety, as with all things in life, is good.”

So you’re both in the mood, the telly’s on mute, the socks are off – but you want to do it somewhere different. So where do you go? Within the house, prime spots would be the sofa, the kitchen counter (beware the knives), the shower (beware the faucet), or even the stairs. If you live with other people, the possibility of them catching you in the act can be a real turn-on. Teresa says, “The risk of being seen or getting caught is a very common fantasy, and fantasy is an essential element of arousal. It’s quite normal.”

But for some people, sex within your home is a total turn-off. Gemma, 28, from Wicklow, has done the deed in all sorts of places – from her local park to the cinema. “It started when I was in my final year of school, and my boyfriend and I didn’t have anywhere else to go. Both of us had strict parents and we were too scared to risk having sex under their roofs. So we started meeting up in the park near where we lived, and we’d go into the trees or behind the sheds where sports equipment was kept.”

But Gemma and her then-boyfriend quickly got used to having a sneaky ride outdoors, and even when they did have an opportunity to have sex in bed, she always preferred going somewhere more open. “I’m not sure what it is that I like about it so much. Maybe it’s because it feels more primal or something, especially when it’s late and you can see the stars and moon just beaming down on you. The bedroom is fine for sleeping and cuddling, but there’s so many places we can have sex in that it’d be a waste to do it in bed all the time.”

Fantasising about sex outdoors is fairly common, especially in Ireland. We got in touch with the lovely people over at PornHub to see if Irish people are as into public sex as we thought. They told us that Irish visitors to the site are proportionately more interested in public sex searches compared to the rest of the world. Worldwide, the “Public” category ranks 27th, but in Ireland it manages to break the top 20. In fact, Irish visitors are 45% more likely to search for public sex of any sort. “Outdoor” related searches are 170% more popular than anywhere else in the world, while “Voyeur” is 75% more popular, and “Exhibitionist” is 53% more popular. And we’re watching you, readers from Kilkenny, because PornHub says your county flags the highest level of public porn searches compared to anywhere else in Ireland. Viewers from Monaghan, on the other hand, couldn’t be less interested in videos like that.

Teresa adds that, “Some people want to try out this fantasy in real life as they find it very exciting. But they need to respect their partner’s wishes if this feels too risky for them. Communication and negotiation is key. Sometimes, playing out the fantasy ‘as if’ it were actually happening can be as exciting as actually doing it.” Just because you want to get naked in the park doesn’t mean your loved one does too. The best thing to do is be open with each other, talk it over, and only do it if you’re both happy to do so.

If it’s your partner’s first time outside the bedroom, it’s likely they’ll be a little self-conscious. Teresa says, “Some people have never tried sex in another place. They may be unsure, shy or anxious about being seen.” Ciara, 26, from Dublin has had sex in her boyfriend’s car a number of times, but has never been fully comfortable with it. She says, “I feel quite uncomfortable about being naked and vulnerable outdoors, and I was sort of concerned with the law. I was panicking that someone would see us and report us to the guards, or that the guards would just happen to pass by while we were at it.”

Having sex in a public place, if caught by the Gardai, falls under the category of ‘public indecency’ and is highlighted in Section 18 of the Criminal Amendment Act (1935)

Having sex in a public place, if caught by the Gardai, falls under the category of ‘public indecency’ and is highlighted in Section 18 of the Criminal Amendment Act (1935). In layman’s terms, it states that a person will be found guilty of public indecency if they offend the modesty of a passer-by. So you should always be cautious and considerate of potential onlookers. Most people would rather avoid seeing your bits while out walking their dog.

Ciara adds, “It wasn’t so much the fear of being caught, but the fear of my family and friends finding out what I’d been up to and being disappointed that I’d broken the law. I suppose you could say I was embarrassed by it. Because of how uncomfortable I felt, I told my boyfriend that I didn’t want to do it in the car anymore… he’s easy-going, so he didn’t mind.”

On that note, Teresa says, “If a woman felt very uncomfortable about this, then it’s important to discuss it and perhaps negotiate some changes that may be less anxiety provoking. If the situation creates too much anxiety then it’s simply not going to be arousing. When considering sex in an outdoor setting, safety is paramount – never put yourself at risk.”

If you’re not quite ready to step outside but would like to dip your toes in the exhibitionist waters, perhaps you can leave your curtains slightly open next time you’re having sex. The thrill will get you going, for sure. What matters most is that both parties involved are enjoying themselves, and once you’re not offending anyone, sex outdoors can be amazing.

This article first appeared in STELLAR’s June issue. Our September issue is on shelves now! 

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