Ask James: ‘My Boyfriend Says I’m Crap At Giving Blowjobs… What Do I Do?’

James Kavanagh answers your problems the way only a gas bitch can.

My friend is out to get me. Every time we’re on a night out, we’ll do a group shot and take a million photos, you know the way, and the one she chooses to put up I always look like a mutant in it. I feel she does this on purpose. What do I do about this? –Sarah-Jane, Howth

You need to start overtaking her and insisting it’s your phone that takes the group pic (say your camera is better – this always wins). So as soon as there are murmurings of getting a pic of the crew, launch your phone as the one that’s taking it. Then, get Facetune. When you’ve chosen the pic where you look the best, do a few sneaky edits (LOL) on your evil friend. Throw an ear on her kneecap or something. She’ll soon learn her lesson.

My boyfriend says I’m crap at giving head. Any tips on how I can improve? He said I can be “too toothy”. – Sinead, Dublin

Oh jeepers. There’s nothing worse than a toothy BJ. You need to pretend you’ve no teeth for it to be ideal. I know this sounds mad and you might feel silly, but I’ve heard it works: put his peen in your mouth and sing a song (Jingle Bells is best) without letting your teeth touch his D. This apparently gets toothy blow jobbers used to avoiding teeth-to-shaft contact. After a few choruses, you’ll be kween of the blowies.

I’ve failed my driving test four times so far. Is there really a point in trying again, or should I just get used to Leap cards? – Saoirse, Dundalk

Girl, meet your match (well kinda). I’ve failed three times. I just CANNOT master the gear stick. So I’ve recently learned you can do an automatic test and drive automatic! Previously the only test you could do was manual. This was life-changing information for me and this is the direction I’ve decided to go in. I cannot understand why anyone would choose manual when automatic exists. It’s like choosing to eat a lollipop with a fork – why add complications? However, if you need to drive manual for some mad reason, I recently received a message from a follower who passed it on the SEVENTH time. So there is hope for everyone.

Got a problem? Snap James @JamesKsnaps or email info@stellar.ie with the subject line ‘Ask James’.

Tags:

Have your say

More like this

  1. Debate: Can Open Relationships Ever Work?

  2. This Is Why Your Back Always Hurts When You’re On Your Period

  3. I Can’t Use Tampons. What The Hell Is Wrong With Me?

  4. The 5 Hot Tips That Helped Khloe Kardashian Lose 40lbs

  5. Are You Guilty Of Making This Major Black Eyeliner Mistake?