Why Do We Care So Much When Celebs Split?

“I’m a child of divorce” read the social media posts after any big celebrity breakup. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel like Schmidt from that New Girl meme at least once in my own life. Namely, when Taylor Swift and Harry Styles called off their, whatever the hell that even was, back in 2012.

Many call it a showmance, but for me, it was real. I want to believe that the two had a whirlwind romance, that their Central Park Zoo stroll was organised between them and not a sinister PR move. Still now, when I see the two briefly meet at an awards show or event my heart soars, “See! They’re friends!” I think. But why does it matter to me that these two strangers are on good terms? 

I can’t be the only person who feels this way about certain celebrity couples and relationships? These days, we’re more engaged in the lives of celebrities than ever, thanks to social media. Once upon a time you were drip-fed information about your favourite celebrity through more traditional forms of media like television and the press, now you can see what that celeb ate for breakfast through their Instagram story.

This influx of information leads to the formation of a parasocial relationship. We have such unique and invasive access into the lives of these people that our brains have convinced themselves that we actually know them, when in fact, they’re total strangers. So when two celebrities date, it can heighten this parasocial link tenfold. Let’s face it, to be famous you probably need a moderate amount of narcissism, and with that comes over sharing from said celeb couples, which has us hook, line, and sinker. 

People have a tendency to make sweeping statements like ‘true love is dead’ when a particularly devastating celebrity breakup happens. We jump to the conclusion that because Ariana Grande and Dalton Gomez couldn’t make their marriage work, all marriages are doomed and we should give up on our quest to find The One. It’s wildly dramatic, because when I think about it, ‘true love’ is still all around me. Regardless of the rumours that Liam Hemsworth cheated on Miley Cyrus, there are still very successful love stories around the world, we just don’t idolise those ones.

It’s also important to recognise that the side of a celebrity couple’s relationship that we’re shown is highly mediated. We see one side of their story, and it’s often the more appetising side. We see them loved up on red carpets and cheerfully sharing ‘annoying’ habits about one another sitting on a chat show sofa. So of course, when we hear the news that they’re no longer together, we immediately assume that there’s something wrong with love itself, and not the countless years of disagreeing and whatever else that went on between the couple behind closed doors that ended it.

They held hands so nicely at the Met Gala, how could anything have been wrong?! In a capitalist world, celebrities are perfect beings, they’re what we aspire to. They look perfect, behave perfectly, own beautiful homes and go on luxurious holidays, so if they can’t make a relationship work, then who can?

This is a good time for the logical part of the brain to kick in and remember that wealth and fame aside, celebrities are real people, with real issues that sadly no amount of money can protect them from. In fact, their high status is often a contributing factor in the breakdown of many high-profile relationships, as some have shared over the years.

One recent celebrity breakup that left people feeling particularly bereft is the aforementioned Taylor Swift and her boyfriend of six years, actor Joe Alwyn. If there’s one thing Taylor Swift has, it’s a strong fandom, and naturally, when the Swifties heard of her heartbreak, they rallied around her.

One resident Swiftie at STELLAR HQ, Bronwyn O’Neill shared her sadness at their breakup with the team at the time, a joke about her only wearing black clothes for the foreseeable was thrown around, I believe. Humour aside, I asked her how exactly the breakup between Taylor and Joe affected her, and why.

“There are a lot of reasons why I think the breakup upset me,” she begins. “I’ve been a Taylor fan since I was 12 years old. I went through major milestones with her. I related to her songs. I not only grew up listening to her, but I watched her grow up. I watched her go through all the awkward breakups, the Kanye nonsense, the flops and the hits. When she found Joe, it just seemed like he was The One and they seemed to really get one another.

“There was no competition or ego. They just loved and supported one another. I was sad to see that end.” Sharing that she wants to see Taylor happy, as much as anyone else, Bronwyn adds: “Taylor has made me happy for almost 15 years, she’s made millions of people happy, I think she deserves some as well.” 

That parasocial relationship we have with celebrities played a big part in the outpouring of grief among Taylor Swift fans online. Fans had legitimate worries about the singer’s feelings and abilities to perform during her much-anticipated Eras tour. Sometimes we pin our own hopes and expectations on celebrity couples, because we have an idea in our heads of how we would like things to be for them.

When you like a celebrity, their happiness is important to you, and when social media makes them feel like a friend, you begin to treat them like one, which includes worrying about how they’ll make it through Champagne Problems without crying. But if Taylor and Joe can’t work things out, that doesn’t mean that the rest of us are doomed too.

Celebrities are our highest-paid peers, but they don’t mirror the real world. Have a quick look around you IRL, and you’ll see that true love does still exist. We don’t need to pin all our hopes and dreams on the rich and famous. But Taylor, now that you’re single again, give Harry a call will you, for me? 

• celeb goss
• celebrity break ups