‘I Didn’t Realise It Was Abuse At First, I Thought It Was Just Part Of Being In a Relationship’

Sophie* didn’t realise she was experiencing relationship abuse at first.

Her boyfriend wanted to know her location, he stopped her from wearing certain things, and he told her it was all because he loved her.

Now, an ambassador for Women’s Aid’s latest Too Into You campaign, Sophie is using her voice to raise awareness of toxic relationships, and to help people recognise what a healthy relationship looks like.

“I didn’t know what he was capable of, this person, who claimed to love me yet made me feel so broken and afraid,” she says.

“He would send me pictures of trees and tell me he was going to hang himself from there, and leave a note blaming me for everything if I left him. Then he would ignore me, as punishment. I really think if I stayed with him I wouldn’t be here today.”

Sophie says that sometimes it can be hard to see red flags when they’re right in front of you, especially when “someone has twisted your mind.”

“Campaigns like Too Into You are so important as they highlight red flags, they promote green flags, they offer you the support you may need, and they help you find your voice,” she says.

According to Women’s Aid, one in five young women in Ireland have experienced abuse from a current or former male partner by the age of 25.

Last year alone, over 22,000 people used the quiz on toointoyou.ie to see if their relationship was healthy or not.

Mary Hayes, Project Coordinator of Too Into You, says that relationship abuse can often be framed or minimised as passion or care.

“But behaviours that create fear, shame or control are not romantic, they are red flags of abuse. This campaign is about helping young people trust their instincts and empowering them to understand that abuse is not love,” she says.

“This is a deeply gendered issue. Young women are navigating dating and relationships in a culture that often normalises controlling behaviours.

“The abuse they face can have devastating impacts on their health and wellbeing, their freedoms and choices. Too Into You exists to say clearly: love should feel safe, respectful and empowering, not frightening or restrictive.”

You can take the toointoyou.ie quiz here. 

*Name changed to protect identity.