5 Things You Definitely Shouldn’t be Doing To Your Vagina

Who knew you weren't supposed to clean your vag? You won't believe what other things you're absolutely not supposed to do to your lady garden.

Kotex are right; you’ve only got one – so you really really don’t want to mess up your vagina. It’s not only responsible for your sexual satisfaction, it’s also responsible for the survival of the entire human race. Well, collectively speaking.

We totally understand that vaginas are fascinating objects, so experimentation is inevitable – but while your vagina can do a lot, like, er, squeeze out a 10-pound baby in the front of a car, it’s not invincible. That in mind here are 5 things you absolutely under no circumstances whatsoever should do to your vagina.

1. Steam it

Gwyneth Paltrow may be a huge fan, but given her proclivity for generally giving madser advice, we’re approaching with caution. Steaming your vagina is said to increase blood flow to the area, which can increase sensation – but it can also increase yeast production, which is responsible for the nasty bacteria that frequently results in nasty odours and infections. Our advice? Leave well enough alone! It’s designed to clean itself, in any case.

2. Put something up there without protection (including fruit!)

We know this has been drilled into us all since hitting puberty, but – unless you have definite plans of the baby variety, and know that everything’s super-safe and healthy – it’s important to protect yourself and your partner by using condoms. And y’know what? Apply that logic to all foreign bodies – anything you insert into your vagina, unless it’s sterile, could carry nasty bacteria. Also: just ick.

3. Douche too much

As we said above, your vagina washes itself – as evidenced by the discharge that comes out every once in a while. Over-cleaning can actually leave you more, rather than less, susceptible to infection. Stick to rinsing with warm water, avoid fragranced body washes and sprays, and never try to clean inside your vagina.

4. Pierce it

It may seem cool and kinky, but this is one risk that will not be worth it. It may have the initial benefits of increased sexual pleasure, but that only lasts a short amount time, after which you’ll be left with a fiddly ring which, as well as catching in lace fabric, will also kill some of your nerve endings, resulting in reduced sexual pleasure. #unfortch

5. Use a vodka tampon

We were hoping this was just a myth, but apparently some women have been known to soak tampons with vodka and insert them as, er, normal – to make themselves get drunk faster. Hopefully unnecessary tip: this is a terrible, terrible idea.