Real Talk 16th October 2015 by Online editors
Does Getting Back With Your Ex Ever Work? We Investigate…
We sat down with six readers to find out what really happened when they gave their ex a second chance.
Tell your bestie you’re thinking of getting back with your on-again, off-again ex, and she’ll likely have a million reasons for why that’s a totally bad idea, but according to new research, it’s not only apparently possible to have a serious future with an old flame—it’s actually surprisingly common. Almost 50% of couples breakup, and then get back together again. But can it really work? We chatted to readers to find out about their experiences of hooking back up with an old flame.
I reunited with my ex after we’d established a post-split platonic relationship, if there was such a thing. I don’t think we were actually mates when we were going out. It took breaking up and learning to like each other as friends and talking heaps to realise we were falling for each other all over again — this time for the right reasons. In my case it probably worked out because we didn’t hurt each other when we amicably broke up. I’m grateful our breakup wasn’t ugly or I don’t think we would have recovered.
Looking back I was more vulnerable and definitely seeking companionship from my ex to fill that void.
For me, I was completely alone after the breakup. I tried tirelessly to fill that initial void, and if someone asked me to go to the local supermarket with them I was your gal. I would trot along! Looking back I was more vulnerable and definitely seeking companionship from my ex to fill that void. So after many discussions, we got back together, had great sex and everything was great, or so I thought. One night out on the town with his mates after we re-kindled, I found out he was kissing someone else. Obviously we had to do the make-up-break-up chat again and by that stage we were both done. There was no going back. I wish I didn’t get back with him the first time around and walked away with my head held high. I’ll know better next time!
If you’re thinking about rekindling an old romance, do it, but only for the right reasons.
My current boyfriend and I broke up almost two years ago for a few months. Obviously, we ended up getting back together and I couldn’t be happier about that decision – our ‘new’ relationship (which is how I refer to it) is a million times better than our old one. In my case, getting back with my ex was definitely worth it. If you’re thinking about rekindling an old romance, do it, but only for the right reasons. I’ve even heard him speaking to his older sis about sizing engagement rings! I couldn’t be happier.
I was with my childhood sweetheart for two years and went on a family holiday during the relationship. While I was on the trip I had an uneasy feeling that something wasn’t right. I just knew that it was over and that I had to leave him. As soon as I came back, I went to visit him and knew immediately that he’d cheated on me. I broke it off and after a few days, I spotted him kissing another girl. I was livid but stupidly decided to take him back. The moral of the story is obvious. I only wanted him back because he was with another gal and I felt betrayed. My higher self wouldn’t let me be vindictive and I learned a very important lesson from that experience.
For me and James, our sixth-month break allowed us to examine where the relationship had went wrong. After dating for a year in college, we broke up because I decided to attend a course in London. I had wanted to attend this school since before we ever dated, so when I got in, I felt I had to follow my dream. James, not wanting to do long-distance, ended it. The break-up sucked big-time. As a couple we learned how little we actually talked to each other during our relationship. This is now now of our strongest points. Communication is key.
As a couple we learned how much our relationship conversations had been lacking.
I’m now married to the man I broke up with — twice. During our first break, we kept in touch, through Facebook messages and emails, you know, the kind of friendship where you immediately call when your grandpa dies, or when you see something that reminds you of them. Our next breakup was a result of an upcoming six-month solo trip around the world. After a few months alone, it became clear that my feelings for my ex weren’t going anywhere. So yeah, I escaped halfway around the world, slept around and realised that no matter where I was or who I was with, he was the only person I missed. So I guess you could say that, even if someone is perfect, timing is everything.
By Jennifer Conway.
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