How to Not be a Pain in the Arse on Social Media

Kate Moss had it right with “never complain, never explain.” We're telling you why.

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Everyone knows a bit of bore-off over-sharer on Twitter or Facebook. If they’re not snapping endless pictures of their lunch and hashtagging them #foodie, then they’re giving out and your finger’s hovering over the mute button because you just can’t with this, already. But you hesitate, because you know that in real life this person is actually pretty deadly, and for some weird reason, they allow all their negativity to filter to their social media streams.

It’s one reason we can find particular people so irritating online. You know there’s a shining light of positivity inside this person when you go for coffee and chats, but she’s using Twitter as her personal therapy session. That can be addictive, because you’ll always have people who’ll feed the negativity, but the flipside is to take Kate Moss’ mantra and run with it.

“I was lucky to be with Johnny [Depp]… he taught me a lot about fame,” she’s said about her ’90s ex. In fact, it was Depp who gave Kate her famous ‘never complain, never explain’ mantra, and it’s a life-lesson that’s kept her on top even when things have gotten really bad. “That’s why I don’t use Twitter and things like that,” she’s explained. “I don’t want people to know what is true all the time and that’s what keeps the mystery.” Good call, Kate. So, take a leaf out of Mossy’s book and ask yourself these six questions to take your feed from toxic to terrific.

Q: Would your mother tell you to cop on?
A: Are you tweeting the sort of Princessy whining your mother would shake her head at? We’re crazy sorry your skinny Chai latte was so hot it melted your Tom Ford lipgloss off and then you fell off your Louboutins on your way into Brown Thomas to buy a new handbag (#blessed), but y’know, in the grand scheme of things, you’re fine, really, aren’t you? Course you are. Chin up, girlfriend.

Q: Are you full of rage right now?
A: If something crap has happened, chances are the red mist has descended. You’re probably not thinking clearly which means this isn’t the best time to update your status or send a barrage of angry tweets. Calm down, talk it out with someone level-headed, and if you’re still annoyed and want to put it out there, then at least you’ll be doing so with a clear head.

Q: Is this angry tweet about public transport, your mobile phone charges or some form of domestic service bill?
A: Sorry BBZ, no one really wants to read you ranting about it. Everyone has commuter stress and bills to pay and yet they manage to be cheerful and just get on with it. It’s a bit of a lesson, but a good one to learn.

Q: Is this a subtweet about someone else?
A: Either @ them with their handle, like a grown-up would so you can air your grievance and get it over and done with, or, you know – don’t do it in the first place. Inevitably you just feel a bit bad about it afterwards anyway, huh?

Q: Are you endlessly justifying previous behaviour?
A: So, you’ve been called out over something. It feels horrible, but it happens. Accept, apologise, move on, and resist the temptation to talk about it again. Do not then begin a pity party about it. You can’t win over people who don’t want to be won over. Harsh, but true.

Q: Are you locked?
A: If yes, then hand your phone to your boyfriend/bessie ASAP.