Real Talk 23rd February 2015 by Kirstie McDermott
Yikes: How To Tell If You’ve Got a Faux Friend
What do you do if you suspect there's a bit of a Con in the friendship Air? We took some advice from Taylor Swift for this one.
She’s not your bessie, but heck, she ain’t your frenemy either: recently, we’ve noticed a newbie in our social circles, and she’s kind of killing our buzz. Meet the Faux Friend. She’s the mate-of-a-mate who’s not available for 3am crises of boyfidence, or someone who you can meet for an impromptu weekend coffee, cos you’ve realised that you’re just not that close. She sort of hangs on, turns up at every pub and club date you organise for your real-deal buddies, without ever bringing anything to the party.
Queen of the gal pal, Taylor Swift knows all about Faux Friends. “A lot of ‘celebrities’ surround themselves with chic cling-ons who don’t have much of a job or a passion,” she told ASOS Magazine recently. “They follow around their celebrity BFF and provide constant affirmation for them. I’m really not interested in that kind of deal.” T Swifty’s best girlfriends – the accomplished and successful Lorde, Karlie Kloss and Lena Dunham – are the antithesis of the Faux Friend, who either needs you to do everything for her, or wants things all on her terms. “My friends are the kind of people who have their own lives and their own busy schedules, and that’s why we get along so well,” Taylor stresses.
She’s right. It’s a melting pot of positivity and endless conversational spirals when you’ve all got your own thing going on, because you can each bring something to the pal party. Sure, it’s nice to be nice, and you shouldn’t close yourself off to making new mates, but how do you know if you’ve been saddled with a faux, as opposed to a potentially fab, new mate?
If you’re getting the impression that there’s a lot more benefit for her in your company than vice versa, whether that’s because you’ve got a job wangling pop stars, your blog gets sent lots of nice freebies for trial, or you’ve got three hot, single brothers, it can be a sign this person might be only interested in what you can do for her.
Perhaps she only calls or WhatsApps when she wants something, and you’re kinda getting the impression that this friendship is very much a one way street, with her calling all the shots. Or maybe she only contacts you when her other plans haven’t panned out, leaving you feeling pretty crappy about yourself.
One thing’s clear: we all need people in our lives who make us feel good about ourselves, so how should you phase your Faux Friend out? Unless you thrive on high drama, disengage gently. Be so incredibly hectic you just don’t have time to see her. Downgrade her from friend to acquaintance, so be polite if you bump into her, but don’t agree to make plans. If she asks what’s up, then be honest; but try to avoid bringing others into it, blame-pointing and accusations.
Sure, we know it isn’t easy to phase someone out of your life. But you know what? Waving a Faux Friend goodbye leaves room for a mate who can enrich it instead. We can definitely buddy up for that.
Pic credit: Boohoo
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