Sorry, Linda, but I'm choosing a partner for life, not a throw that complements the settee.
From the well-meaning to the eye-roll-inducing, if you’re a single gal, you’ve probably heard them all!
“You just have to put yourself out there”
You’ve barhopped, joined (and swiped on) every dating app going and been on more setups by your friends than you care to remember, but there’s always that one person (or, eh, several as the case may be) who thinks you just aren’t trying hard enough. There’s nothing like having to completely burn yourself out to find love, eh?
“You’ll find him when you stop looking”
Ah, this old chestnut. Not only is it completely illogical (we only wish the same approach applied to finding our keys) it also low-key implies that you’re a bit desperate. You wouldn’t rest on your laurels if you were looking for a new job, so why should love be any different?
“You’re too picky!”
Sorry, Linda, but I’m choosing a partner for life, not a throw that complements the settee. Yes, sometimes people have unrealistic expectations when it comes to love, but most of us are just looking for a decent guy with a dad bod who makes us laugh and can do his own laundry, correct?
“There are plenty more fish in the sea”
We know this is true (they even named a dating sight after the saying) but see, the thing is, we happened to really like that one cold, emotionally unavailable fish and now he’s gone we sort of don’t feel like swimming anymore. Give us some time to lick our wounds before commencing the trash talk.
“You must be so lonely…”
Yes, sure, sometimes being single can be lonely but it can also be liberating, exhilarating, freeing and fun, not to mention a fabulous opportunity to truly stand on your own two feet.
Take your pity party elsewhere please and appreciate that we get to order pizza without having to share it.
“You have to love yourself first”
On the face of it, this advice is well-meaning, and yes the best relationships do tend to happen between two people who are confident in who they are, but the caveat to this is that it implies every single gal out there is full of doubt and self-loathing which, really, is just plain insulting.
“HOW are you still single?”
We get that this is supposed to be flattering, but really it just makes us feel like we’ve failed in some way. And another thing, are we supposed to provide an answer, because I don’t think blaming it on genetics/the government/mercury in retrograde is really going to cut it.
“I know someone I can set you up with”
Because every girl wants to be with someone your friend/sister/cousin deemed not good enough to be with themselves. Besides it kind of makes you feel like a charity case and nobody wants that and, of course, there’s the obvious risk of having the worst date of your life and having to explain that you’d sooner eat your own excrement than meet up with this person again. Awks.
“Maybe it’s your personality…”
Oh goody, because it’s totally easy to change that. Why people feel the need to kick you while you’re down with this we’ll never know and besides isn’t the whole point of dating to find someone who loves you just as you are, shite bits and all?
“I’ll buy a hat!”
We get that you’re excited about our new dating prospect but being a zillion steps ahead of us isn’t helpful and as every single girl knows, when it comes to dating, everything can change in a snap. Basically? Don’t get excited until we’ve made it through the obligatory three-month probation period without being ghosted, dumped or cheated on.
Have we forgotten any? Let us know!