10 Things You Only Know If You Work In An Office Every Day

For the most part, you can’t pick your co-workers. Sigh. But, even if you did, it’d be hard to sniff out the future popcorn-burners and nail trimmers. Worst of all, there’s no avoiding the folk who drive you cray-cray at the office. While it has its benefits (having an outdoor job would be a major no in Ireland), it also has quite a few drawbacks.

Er, like this little lot…

1. You’ll get distracted by other people’s food

What is that smell? I need to find it. Who’s soup is that? Did someone say they were ordering pizza? What is that thing you’re eating right now? People need walls to protect themselves from the distracting smell of someone else’s lasagne. Right?

2. Banging desk

So unlucky for you, you sit next to a gal on a joint desk who every couple of minutes (despite you telling her to try not to) bangs her elbows down on the desk, sending a shudder through your PC and disrupting your work. We get it, it’s like sitting next to a feckin’ baby rhino.

3. Annoying ringtones

Every office has one, the one member of staff who either hasn’t worked out how to control the volume on their ringtone or hasn’t changed it in, like, forever. Like seriously? Sadly, it doesn’t warrant disciplinary action.

4. Passive aggression is the norm

It’s your only option really, because in a modern, civilised workplace, you just can’t tell your colleagues where to stick it, can you?

5. Awkward elevator moments are far, far too frequent

This is the real reason you take the stairs. No, it’s not to ‘keep fit’, it’s to avoid that creepy guy from the second floor.

6. You’ll definitely hear that one noisy eater every single lunch time

*CRUNCH CRUNCH* It’s constant. She or he brings giant bags of crunchy snacks and munches all day long. Meanwhile, you’re  sitting on the other side of the office with an extreme hatred of any human who chews with their mouth open, and they’re smacking away.

7. WhatsApp will be your lifeline

A lack of private rooms and sound-sheilding walls mean that you can’t really speak about things you don’t want everyone else to hear. Whether it’s random gossip from the weekend, or your opinion on Jane the elbow-banger (see above), you can be certain that every office is only quiet on the surface; there are endless side convos happening online. Soz.

8. Early starters

Yup we all have ’em! These are the colleagues who brag about how early they get to the office, despite the fact that they’re swanning about making tea until everyone else gets in. We’re onto ya!

9. Air con wars = a real thing

The air con is raked up and dropped back down around 27 times a day, and is the source of most passive-aggressive warfare in all offices in the world.

10. Casual Friday dress code angst

Particularly if you are an office newbie. Nobody told us that ‘casual’ just meant not wearing a blazer, but there you are, in your ripped jeans and converse, looking like you’re about to hit the skate park with the local 13 year olds. #Cringe.

By Jennifer Conway.

• annoying
• etiquette
• office life