I’m 25 And I’ve Never Had A Boyfriend

Is it weird to never have had a boyfriend in your 20s? One STELLAR writer finds out.

single v day

Valentine’s day is just around the corner and as usual I will spend it enjoying my own company by eating copious amounts of chocolate in my PJs and listening to Adele.

But, there’s one thing that will make this Valentine’s Day different from the rest; this year I will have been single for a quarter of a century. Yes, that’s right, in my 25 years on this planet I have never, ever had a boyfriend.

I find myself constantly fantasising about what it would be like to have an SO; cosy nights in watching Netflix together, having someone to listen to your daily woes, always having a plus one for wedding season and, of course, a constant supply of sex.

I remember when I was going through my awkward teen stage watching my friends go from relationship to relationship and always thinking it will happen for me soon but as the years went on it just never did.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m totally content in my own company and I have quite an active sex life, but I can’t help but wonder, is it me? Am I doomed for spinsterhood? Am I ever going to get married?

My friends are constantly telling me ”You’ll find someone when the time is right,” but surely ‘the timing has been right’ at some point in the past 25 years, no? Am I supposed to wait another 25 before I find a boyfriend?

I’m not the only one

sex and the city single

As it turns out though, I’m not alone. After doing some crowdsourcing around the office, it turns out a lot of team STELLAR have mates just like me, and I got chatting to a few of them about how it feels to be a perma-single.

“I was always a bit embarrassed that I’d never been in a committed relationship,” Fiona, 29, told me. “I went through a stage of being really insecure that no one wanted me. But when I stopped stressing about it I actually ended up meeting my now fiancé! I’m a firm believer that you’ll find the one when you least expect it.”

Jennifer, 22, tells a similar story. “I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’m proud of it! I have zero tolerance for drama in my life right now and to me boys = drama. Maybe in the future I’ll become more gooey and lovey dovey but for now I’m content on my own.” Her mantra? “More power to the single gal!”

Caroline, 26, agrees and says being permanently single has meant she’s never settled for less. “I don’t want a boyfriend to just pass the time with,” she tells me. “I’m only going to commit when I find the man I’m going to marry. I’ll have fun kissing some frogs in the mean time.”

The stats

all the single ladies

With this in mind, I wanted to know more. How many girls out there were just like me and had never had a cosy night in on the couch with their SO, never had a regular date night with their other half or never uttered the words ‘I love you’ to their beloved?

The stats are few and far between. The most recent research I could find on the topic dated all the way back to 2007; a study that revealed 40% of Irish women are single and that you’re 5% more likely to be coupled up if you live in a city.

With so little research or discussion on the topic, is it any wonder permanently single girls like me, are questioning their normality?

The perks

mean girls

For me, the important thing to remember is that being single isn’t a reflection of who I am as a person, and whether you’re actively seeking a relationship or are pretty content being on your own,  you shouldn’t let your permanently single status become a marker of your self esteem.

And besides, you know what? Sometimes being single can be pretty damn deadly, and for now I’m happy being me, but just in case you need reminding, here are some reasons being single is actually pretty cool.

  • You can get up and go whenever you like. Fancy an impromptu solo trip to Vienna? You go girl! Flying solo means you don’t have to confer with anyone or feel like you HAVE to invite your SO out of politeness.
  • No boyfriend means you can treat yo’self a lot more than the average taken gal. The combination of birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas make relationships a costly affair. We think if you’re single you should spend the cash you would spend on an SO on yourself, because you’re totally worth it!
  • Dating is one of the most underrated perks of singledom. The excitement of getting ready for a date, that first kiss and completing a post mortem of the date with your pals is not something to be underestimated.
  • And most importantly, you never have to share the ice cream. Now who can put a price on that, eh?
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