Introducing Lick This: The Touch-Tongue App That Teaches Your Man How To Go Down On You

Stuff we feel neutral about: Hump day, Wheel of Fortune and Laundry. But one thing you shouldn’t have a take-it-or-leave-it attitude towards is tongue action, cos let’s be honest, receiving oral sex is pretty much the best thing ever. Right? Right.

But alas, the world ain’t a perfect place, and not all men are experts when it comes to loving our lady gardens. Sadly, hinting at where they’re going wrong isn’t exactly a barrel of laughs either.

But if your guy (or gal) is lacking in the tongue department, fret not, because guess what? There’s an app for that.

Yep, makers of Lick This claim that their app can help users learn lady-pleasing oral sex techniques. The method? Your fella has to follow on-screen instructions by, wait for it, licking his screen. The user will need to complete tasks like flicking a light switch on and off or moving a beach ball along their smartphone screen in a bid to strengthen their tongue muscles and their technique.

In theory, it sounds like a great idea – we mean, an app that teaches our other half how to, ahem, push our buttons, without us needing to have any awkward conversations is a pretty deadly idea.

Unfortunately, in practice, the thought of a guy going down on you with the same tongue that’s been touching his iPhone (which research has shown harbours around 42,000 different types of bacteria) is not super-conducive to awesome oral sex. Besides the sight of him flicking his tongue over his phone is sure to give us a major case of the giggles. This is one app we certainly won’t be sneaking on to his App store.

By Jennifer Conway.

• Dating
• oral
• Relationships
• Sex