“We Regret To Inform You…” This Woman Wrote A Two-Page Rejection Letter In Response To An Unsolicited Dick Pic
You win the internet today, lady.
We’ve all been there; you’re happily scrolling through your Instagram or messaging a new fella, when – boom – a freshly snapped pic of some dude’s man junk pings into your inbox.
You didn’t ask for it and you certainly don’t appreciate it, yet there it is: some guy’s penis, just lurking in your messages, waiting for your approval.
We’ll never get why guys do this (are they looking for a compliment? Do they think it’s a turn on?) and even more so, we’re never sure what we should reply, or even whether we should respond at all.
Well, one woman who certainly wasn’t going to leave an unsolicited dick pic unaddressed was Sarah-Louise Jordan, who decided she’d respond to it in the best way: by writing a formal letter.
And this wasn’t just any letter. In fact, the full rejection spanned two pages.
The response, which is currently going viral on Facebook, reads:
“Thank you for the unexpected and unsolicited submission of your penis portrait for our consideration. We regret to inform you that it has failed to pass our most basic standards of quality control at this time.
“However, for a nominal fee we can offer you a report that will help you change that.
“The A4 report, provided via postal service, will include a personalised booklet that covers the following:
” – Why genitals are not an acceptable conversation opener (a step by step guide to saying hello).
” – How to appear as though you weren’t raised by wolves.
” – Better ways to deal with your sexual frustration.
” – How to dress your penis for social media (a rough guide to pants).
” – Penis reading: a new form of palmistry that may help you unlock the key to your future.
“We will also answer questions you might have such as:
” – Do I have too much time on my hands?
” – Why did my penis fail basic standards of quality control?
“(Note: the number one reason for this occurring is that it is attached to a bigger dick than itself.)
“Finally, as a gesture of goodwill we intend to offer two free samples with all of your future penis portrait submissions:
“An inventive critique of your pride & joy.
“A surprise consultation with your closest available family member about your portfolio.
“We trust this exciting offer is acceptable and look forward to working with you in the near future.
What. A. Legend. We’re screengrabbing this one for future reference.
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