#HomeToRide: 6 Irish Women Share Their Tales Of Going Home For The Ride At Christmas

Making the exodus from an IKEA-furnished rented apartment to your cosy childhood bedroom is actually the best thing about Christmas. Hear us out – you’ve a fridge full of groceries paid for from the bank of mum and dad, watching Graham Norton with your parents is the best, and the place is swarming with tins of sweets.

However, sometimes these trips home lead to not so clever retreats down memory lane with an old flame. Or a super awkward encounter with that ex of your cousin’s from secondary school – you know, the one you always fancied. Then one she’ll kill you for shifting, 10 years on. Read on for your IRL #hometoride stories. Names have been changed, because, obviously.

Blame his mam’s ham

“I went out with this guy really childishly when I was 15 and broke it off because I wanted to be single for the French exchange. Over a decade later, I never see him at all ever, except for when the entirety of the town goes to this one pub on Christmas Eve. We always flirt when we see each other. The tradition is everyone goes back to his gaff after the pub for a session, because his parents are big time hosts.

“When I went one year his mother put out a tray of sandwiches – with real ham in the sandwiches. I couldn’t get over this, actual cooked ham in the sandwiches. And so based off this, so taken with this concept was I, I suggested to the guy we go on a date and definitely advanced the flirting in the texting. When I came back down to earth from the sandwich thing, it never came to pass.”

Maria, 27, Co Dublin

When the morning after is, um, Christmas morning

“Three years ago I was home for two weeks at Christmas, went out on the 24th for pints in the local, and met my brother’s friend who I always had a thing for. He came home with me, to my parents house! The next morning I was sneaking him out but my dad was early helping prep the dinner and saw us. Brother’s friend pretended he was here to see my brother, daddy played along, and when my brother woke up he was very confused…”

Holly, 30, Ennis

Make a pass at mass

“So I shook the hand of the good looking guy in front of me during the sign of peace at midnight mass. Then I met him Saint Stephen’s night out, and we shifted.”

Gloria, 28, Co Louth

The night before Netflix and chill

“A few years ago I met this guy home from New Zealand during the Twelve Pubs. We were talking all night and kissed at the end of it. Over the next few days, we were texting loads and then he asked me to drop round to his to watch some boxsets. I assumed the best; I dressed up, put the face on, looked really well, arrived at the house and he’s in the living room with his entire family! His nana was out of the nursing home for the occasion. I had to sit there having tea while we watched a Tommy Tiernan DVD.”

Noelle, 32, Co Tipperary

Generation snowflake

“Every year our gang from secondary school has a Christmas Eve pints meet-up in a lovely old man pub. Two years ago, I combined the reunion with a yuletide brunch with my gas auntie.

“Come six o’clock, and I was half cut wearing too much of a smoky eye. I arrived into the pub early, nursed another drink and some Manhattan peanuts, and then in walked this guy in the gang I always fancied but could never shift as he went to the debs with my best friend and she’s a territorial wagon.

“We get chatting and then everyone else arrived. Before I know it I was shifting the face off him up against the dartboard. We stopped rubbing up against each other after about an hour, and no one would look us in the eye. I suddenly realised what I’d done and had to text my brother to come and collect me.”

Aoife, 25, Sligo

I’ll be in a hotel for Christmas

“A few Christmasses ago, I scored a male friend of mine because there’s no consequences when you have to hop on a plane back to London the next week. It’s a long story, but the Cliff’s Notes version is this: Dad caught us kissing in the sitting room at 8am, threw him out of the house after my friend overshot the bathroom and puked outside my parents’ bedroom. We tried to go to the early bar, but were too drunk to open the PUSH/PULL door. We met his ex’s father going to work on our way to Costa, where we were also thrown out for talking too loud (about vomiting). So we booked a hotel instead and didn’t come out for two days. A year later, he moved to London to be with me.”

Tiffany, 29, Co Kerry

This article first appeared in STELLAR’s December issue. Our January/February issue is on shelves now! 

• Christmas
• Dating
• Sex