Sorry, What Even Is A ‘Swag Gap’?

You could very easily argue that, in recent years anyway, social media platforms like TikTok and Instagram have made us very vain. We worry so much about how we dress, what ‘aesthetic’ we fit into, we box ourselves into these little meaningless categories that the internet has created just to feel like we fit in somewhere. It’s almost like we’ve completely given up on being our authentic selves, and instead we let social media dictate how we define ourselves and how we go about our lives. 

The most recent byproduct of this dependency on social media is called the ‘swag gap’, and yeah, it’s just as cringe as it sounds. This term may be used when someone feels as though their friend or partner isn’t reaching the same levels of coolness or ‘swag’ as they are, which can apparently lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

According to many people on the internet, a swag gap will ultimately ruin the relationship between two people because it will spark feelings of boredom or dissatisfaction in the ‘swaggier’ person, and feeling of envy or irritation in the less swag person. That is probably the cringiest sentence I have ever written down in my life. 

@isaduffyyNew favorite phrase unlocked♬ original sound – Isabella Duffy

This gap doesn’t just apply to what clothes you wear. No, the swag gap can apply to confidence levels, music taste, what stage you’re at in your career, basically anything you have going for you that social media deems “cool’. So, if you meet someone who prefers more mainstream music over super edgy underground artists, or feels content in their basic 9-5 corporate office job, or just isn’t chronically online enough to know what a swag gap even is, then TikTok says you shouldn’t form any sort of a relationship with them. This is an insanely superficial value to hold, and it will have a detrimental impact on not only the relationships you currently have in your life, but also your ability to form new ones in the future. 

It is normal to feel like you’re outgrowing someone in your life. Maybe you were close before, but now you think this person might be holding you back from your goals, or you want more from the relationship than they’re willing to offer. Perhaps it’s the other way around, and you feel inferior to someone you were close with, and you start becoming jealous or resentful.

These are all very common and valid concerns that appear in all kinds of relationships, platonic and romantic. It’s also very important to acknowledge these concerns and work through them with your friend or partner. Communicating with each other is always the best way to go about it, even if it results in both of you deciding it’s time to go your separate ways. 

@jennyyzabal last 1 #fyp ♬ original sound – Bojack clipz

The difference between that very common obstacle in a relationship and the swag gap concern is that you should never feel superior to someone based on the material things you associate yourself with. The clothes you wear and the music you listen to do contribute to your sense of identity, and of course it’s always fun to have stuff in common with the people around you, but you don’t need to cut yourself off from people who are different to you. It’s healthy to surround yourself with different kinds of people, that way you learn things from each other and your perspective on life broadens.

Not everyone in your life needs to dress the same way as you, or listen to the same bands, or want the same career as you. And just because someone doesn’t fit into a cool aesthetic you saw on TikTok certainly does not mean that they aren’t as cool as you. If anything, their ability to dress, find music they like and practice hobbies and jobs that they enjoy without needing social media to confirm that it’s cool makes them all the more authentic and unique, a.k.a, cooler than anyone who genuinely cares about a swag gap. 

The fact that the swag gap exists just shows the level of vanity and superficiality that we’ve reached on the internet, and how suffocating it can be when we try to apply online ideals and aesthetics to our real lives. There are a million reasons to end a relationship or friendship with someone, to avoid getting into one in the first place, but whether or not they wear Carhartt hoodies or listen to niche bands from the 70s on vinyl are not valid reasons.

Again, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have things in common with the people you love, but immediately ruling people out or thinking you’re superior to them because you follow social media trends and they don’t is absolutely ridiculous, and will stop you from meeting people who you really click with on a level that goes much deeper than social media – proper love.