Ask James: “How Do You Get Into A New Relationship Having Been Cheated On Previously?”

Me and my boyfriend hardly have sex anymore. There doesn’t seem to be any sparks left. Are we doomed? Roisin, Dublin 

All couples go through periods of this, it’s normal. But keep an eye on it. If you’re going months without action, but you want sexy fun, then introduce different things. Include toys, watch porn together, get oils, maybe even involve a third person. You both have to want this and you BOTH  have to make the effort. I’d start by having an honest conversation about where your head is at and go from there. Communication is KEY to a successful sex life and relationships in general. Do it now!

How do you go into a new relationship having been cheated on in the last relationship? Rachael, Cork

Honestly? It just takes time to build trust back up again. An ex of mine cheated on me (and gave me an STI). When I got with the next boyf, the paranoia started to creep in. But I soon realised: if he’s going to cheat, he’s going to cheat. There’s nothing you can do to stop it, but you can choose to leave him if he does. If you expect the worst from someone it often extracts the worst from them. So I learned how to chill out in my relationships, and honestly haven’t looked back. Being unnecessarily jealous and paranoid are traits we should all try beat out of ourselves, they do no one any favours.

My boyfriend moved to London for work but wants to keep it long distance. I don’t know if I can do that… I just don’t think I’m bothered. What do I do? Alison, Dublin

From your “I don’t know if I can do that…” line I already know you cannot. In these situations, you kinda know straight away if it’s gonna work. I believe short-term long distance can work, but I’m not sure it can work forever. If you’re absolutely mad about him, give it a go and see how you get on. But my gut instinct is telling you to ‘thank you, next’ this situation. Life is way too short for this malarkey.

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