10 Ways To Know For Sure If He’s NOT The One

So, you know the score. You’ve met this new guy (or girl, let’s not be hetronormative about it, huh?), you’re really into the whole sitch, and yet you have a bit of a feeling that, despite the fact you’d love this person to be The One –  dang, they just might not be.

But how can you tell? Well, there are usually a few key signs. Like these ones, f’rinstance.

1. He never messages you back

Your phone’s definitely working – you know, because you called it from a landline just to be sure. And you can see he’s online – OMG it’s so annoying. The little WhatsApp blue arrows are ticked, what gives? He’s clearly read your message, so why isn’t he replying? If you’re the one doing all the messaging, then honey child, he just might not be as into you as you are into him.

2. You do all the running

Are you the one who makes all the plans, does all the metaphorical (and heck, who knows, literal) heavy lifting in the relationship? There are a couple of things that could be at play here: one, he’s kinda lazy and is content to sit back and have you break a sweat organising things, or two, he’s just not that arsed about impressing you. The trick, of course, is working out which of these things he is. Have a chat, pronto. One is fixable, the other, sadly, is not.

3. He’s never around

What do you mean, you want him to come to your cousins wedding!? He’s got the GAA county championship to go to and there’s no way you’re coming between him and 34 scoops with the lads. Then there was that time you asked him for a lift to Dundrum and he was AWOL, the weekend brunch you’d arranged with the gang you used to go to college with and he refused because he was hungover – and he’ll never commit to a weekend away because of training. Basically, he’s available on Tuesdays and Thursdays and um, that’s about it.

4. He doesn’t listen

You always know when he’s tuning you out: he gets that glazed look on his face and you may as well be confessing to a murder as telling him about your day. You’re starting to get a very big idea that instead of finding you fasciating, he finds you frankly boring. And it’s a really horrible feeling.

5. He devalues your opinion

You’re in the pub and someone asks you what you think about the sitch in Greece. You’re about to let forth with your best David McWilliams analysis, when he roars laughing and says, “Jaysis don’t be asking her about that, sure she’s got nothing in her head except from lipstick and handbags.” You’re fuming: how would he know? He’s never asked you anything about your opinions on politics – of which you have many, thanks very much – and it ocurrs to you that in fact, it’s him who’s the shallow one in the relationship.

6. You always do what he wants

You always see what he wants in the cinema, all the stuff on the UPC box is his choice and when you were at Longitude the other weekend, you ended up missing all your fave bands so he could see his. If you want to see anything you’re really into, you have to go with a friend and he’ll scoff and refuse to come. You kind of don’t mind, but y’know, you kind of do, too. Have a word, and if he doesn’t get it, get over him.

7. He never stays over

Is he a love ’em and leave ’em sort? If he’s rolling over, pulling on his boxers and legging it after the deed’s done, this is a big indicator he’s not the man for you. Why? Because it indicates a massive amount of disrespect – he sees you as someone he has sex with, but who he doesn’t want to spend any other time with. A relationship – unless it’s a casual hook-up you’re both happy about – is made up of far more than just sex – a good partner should be there to love and support you, and be there for you in the good and bad times. And seriously, you are absolutely worth way more than a guy who does this.

8. He won’t change his FB status

You reckon he’s your boyfriend, but he has very different ideas, refusing to commit to just you. He won’t change that all-important Facebook status, he won’t delete his Tinder app and he won’t stop playing the field on lads’ nights out. Oh dear, nope, we’re afraid this one is definitely not into settling down with you – or anyone.

9. You’ve never met his mates

He says it’s cos he wants to keep things cosy between the pair of you, but you’ve got a niggly feeling that he doesn’t want to be seen in public with you. We’d say you’re probably on to something. Have a word and if he refuses to bring you out to meet the lads, then you’ll know what to do, eh?

10. You only see him at 2am – and he’s locked

This is booty call territory. He’s basically using you for sex after a night out – a night out, let us point out, he’s spent enjoying with other people who are not you. So, let’s be even clearer here: you’re not good enough to be taken on a date, but you are good enough to be called around to for a shag if he doesn’t score elsewhere. Block the bloke’s number, and move the hell on!

• Dating
• men
• Relationships
• Sex