3 (More) Signs You’re Not Over Your Ex

It might have been her Best Friend’s Wedding, but she wanted it to be hers, Goddammit!

Reckon you’re dunzo, over him, ready to move on? If you ticked any of the boxes on our feature in the May issue and can identify with any of the below, maybe have a little think again, lady. We’ve got your back.

You send flowers to his mum on Mother’s Day

Ah, Mother’s Day – such a beautiful celebration of mothers. But hang on – the woman who birthed that man you used to date is not your mother; she’s his mother. And you don’t get to claim her for Mother’s Day, even if “she’s been just like a mum to me.” Honey, no.

She is his mum and, come hell or high water, she will always be on his side. We’re sorry, but even if she’s currently hoping you’ll get back together, six months post break-up you’ll just be another blip on her maternal radar.

You go into Boots to spray his aftershave on your jacket

Everyone – and we mean everyone – in Boots knows what you’re up to when you toddle into the shop and sneakily spray yourself with man perfume. And by “sneakily” we mean “not very sneakily at all”. You need to remind yourself that, though his aftershave may have smelled delightful, what lurked beneath was less than fragrant – and anyway, one of these days you’ll find a man who wears Tom Ford.

You can’t hear ‘our song’ without bursting into tears

So you’re over the whole ‘every song = bawling’ phase, which is good – but you’re still sobbing uncontrollably every time you hear Ed Sheeran’s Small Bump. Which is weird, because that song is about a baby, and you two never had a baby.

The last time it came on, you were at the checkout in Spar buying a single tub of Ben & Jerry’s and ended up sobbing down the cashier’s uniform, who didn’t know where to look. You are a grown woman, and frankly, grown women cannot be crying at Ed Sheeran. Ever.

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