6 Reasons You Can’t Reach Orgasm & What You Need To Do To Fix It

Don't cut your losses and fake one, make it happen. We find out where you're going wrong.

Couple in bed

The secret’s out: not everyone is achieving the big O. Let’s be honest, climaxing can be tough, but learning to correct some bedroom basics can ensure you reach your (ahem) peak potential.

A shocking 70% of Irish gals admitt to not achieving an orgasm through vaginal penetration alone. If you’re one of the lucky few, congrats. And if not, don’t fret. We’re here to point out all the bedroom boo-boos you need to quit to make it happen. You’ll thanks us later.

1. Not knowing your body

Having an orgasm is natural. So is skipping, for instance. That doesn’t mean you’re born knowing how to skip; it means you’re born with the capacity to learn. “I’d recommend practisicing masturbating alone.” says Shawna Scott from SexSiopa.ie. “Once you’re confident doing it on your own, if you’re with a partner, show them exactly how to get you off. If they’re not willing to learn, the problem was never with you to begin with.” Sure it might sound cheesy, but it’s true: Get to know your body. “Give your vulva and surrounding areas a nice, gentle massage. Get to know where your clitoris is and what types of sensations it likes. And then when you’ve figured that out – practice, practice, practice!” Sounds more fun than trying to learn another language or a musical instrument, we reckon.

2. Forgetting to pee

Yes we know in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to get lost and forsake your bathroom duties. But when your man stimulates your G-spot during sex, it can suddenly make you feel like you have to pee. We’re sorry to tell you that anytime there is contact with your G-spot you are going to want to run for the loo… even if you don’t need to. Lucky, there’s a simple solution: Use the bathroom just prior to sex. Not to mention the fact that peeing first can greatly decrease your risk of a UTI. Got it.

3. You’re not getting enough clitoral stimulation

 Women worry about not having orgasms during intercourse, especially. But actually less than a third of women are reliably orgasmic from penetration alone. The reason? Intercourse is not a very good way to stimulate the clitoris, and the clitoris is, for most women, the hokey pokey: it’s what it’s all about. To stimulate your C-spot during intercourse, climb into girl-on-top position, arch your body toward him and grind your pleasure point against his pelvis. If you’re in missionary, make sure to keep your legs pressed tightly together while moving your hips in a circular motion. So when in doubt, add clitoral stimulation, whether it’s with your hand, your partner’s hand, a vibrator, your pubic bones pressing together, or whatever.

It can take anywhere from a few minutes to most of an hour to have an orgasm.

4. You’re worried about your body

Yeah, yeah it’s true there are copious amounts of body-shaming messages at large that tell us what a female body is ‘supposed’ to look like, and it’s a sad fact, that when many of us are, doing the deed we’re worrying about how our face looks or what the fat on our belly is doing, or whether or not our cellulite is noticeable, when really we should be focusing on how good it feels.

The question to ask yourself when these thoughts emerge is, “Why does it matter?” No really. Why? Answer: because we’ve been taught that only women with “flawless” bodies are allowed to enjoy sex. STELLAR’s calling BS. It takes time and practice to replace those self-critical thoughts with affection for your body, but the benefits extend far beyond having more and better orgasms. Sold.

5. Bedroom acrobatics

Sex positions are always a fun way to keep your sex life exciting, but testing out all those newly mastered yoga positions in the bedroom,actually makes it harder to orgasm. So steady does it, we recommend staying in a position that hits your pleasure points. Develop a rhythm, and once you feel yourself building toward climax, keep sensation consistent or you’ll lose momentum. If for some reason you get sidetracked and have to start from square one, don’t panic. Get back in the saddle and orgasm position and go for a randy round two.

6. You’re not taking enough time

 It can take anywhere from a few minutes to most of an hour to have an orgasm (20 minutes is typical, longer is totally normal). The process of becoming aroused and having an orgasm is a two-part process: “We have to “activate the accelerator” in our brains, which means giving the brain a lot of sexy stimulation to be turned on by, and “release the brakes” in the brain says Shawna. Take your time during foreplay and don’t rush through the warm-up.  Yes we know that 20 minutes may sound like a long time, but trust us, the good guys don’t mind. Orgasms are like childbirth: they take as long as they take, and each one is different.

By Jennifer Conway.