Being Alone Doesn’t Have To Be Lonely: The Beauty Of Spending Time By Yourself

There has been a rise of a kind of sentiment on social media lately, from solo travel tales to introvert diaries. I think it is largely down to the stage of life many of us are in; the minefield of self-exploration that is our 20s. When secondary school and college grind to a halt, it’s easy to feel lost. Your friend group splinters off into different direction for post grads and 9-5s, and you may find yourself very suddenly and unexpectedly, alone. 

I moved to Dublin a few months ago, and since I didn’t go to college here, my friend circle is more of a triangle. I struggled with being alone at first. The thought of sitting in a cafe or a restaurant by myself formed a lump in my throat. Eventually, the urge for a flat white and an almond croissant overcame my embarrassment, and I had no choice but to face my fear.

And guess what? I didn’t burst into flames. In fact, the barista complimented my glasses, and I got a seat by the window, a perfect position for people watching. I surprised myself by enjoying the little bit of solitude in this new era of my life. 

@meggghughes i think a solo trip is an introverts dream and nightmare all in one butttt the pros so outway the cons!!! You get to make all of the choices and feel no pressure, its truly one of my favourite ways to get my energy back, its the ultimate downtime!! 🥹 #solotravel ♬ Wes Anderson-esque Cute Acoustic – Kenji Ueda

Living in a new place or bigger city can feel isolating and daunting, but with a slight change in mindset it can also be quite liberating. The anonymity of a city allows me to do things by myself that I might normally avoid for fear of standing out, or of what others will think of me. What I slowly begin to realise is that no one cares that I went to the cinema alone. We’re a pretty self-obsessed bunch. Everyone is focused on their own journey. 

One of my favourite things to do since moving to Dublin is hop on the Dart out to Bray or Howth and bring a little notebook and pen and sketch the characters who pass me by. The drawings don’t have to be masterpieces, and they rarely are, but it gives me time to do something just for me.  Sometimes there are things we want to do but put off because no one we know is interested. This is the perfect opportunity to bring yourself on a date. Visit museums, browse bookshops, go to gigs. No one is going to think you’re weird for it. If anything, you will look cool and mysterious (at least that’s what I tell myself). 

And if you’re looking to push yourself out of your comfort zone, and maybe even make some new friends, why not try out a group activity, like a book club or a weekly exercise class. The Sunflower Sessions is an event that was created for this exact reason, so that people in their 20s in Dublin can make new friends in a relaxed atmosphere, enjoying yoga and live music while they’re at it. 

@dayanfrancisco_ Took myself out on a solo coffee date in QC! 📍Humble beginnings Cafe 10/10!! 💯🤍 #metime #coffeedate #fyp #solodate ♬ original sound – estwne

As Taylor Swift said when talking about being alone in her 20s, “It’s so important to define yourself on your own terms”. When you are with people all the time, their opinion of you can become your entire sense of self.  

I’m not saying to break up with your partner and move across the world, or devote your life to monk-like solitude, but try to appreciate your alone time. Use this lull in your social life as an opportunity to really get to know YOU. 

As you grow up and your career becomes more serious or you decide to start a family, it would be nice to be confident in who you are as a person, and what you really want out of life. 

 Embrace being a loner for a bit. It might be the best thing you do for yourself!

Words by Sorcha Lynch