How To Heal A Broken Heart And Find The One – Yes, Really

Burned and can think of nothing worse than getting back into your pulling uniform to hit the town with your last remaining single friend(s)? We hear you sister, and so does Kathryn Alice, love guru and author. Taking time out from match-making mates, here she imparts some dating wisdom and tells us, “It’s going to be alright”… and we believe her.

Help! We need tips on healing a broken heart?

Realise that it’s not the end of the world and that you will find more love. If it’s your first great love, it’s easy to think it’s the best you’ll ever do, but that’s not true. No matter how good it was, it will never be as good as when you meet the love of your life.

The other thing to help heal a broken heart more quickly is to work on dissolving the attachment. When we’re attached, we tend to get dramatic, saying things like, ‘I’ll never love again’ or ‘This was my soulmate, I’ll never have it this good again’. Attachment can make us do crazy things, so it’s best to deal with it.

We’ve been dumped and have lost all interest in finding someone new. How do we reignite our enthusiasm for love?

If you’ve repeatedly had love disappointment, don’t give up – we just need to try something different for a different result. Use your judgement so you can see the warning signs and avoid anyone who will disrespect you. Every time I work with someone who has been burned, we find that ultimately, there were some red flags that were ignored.

It’s also helpful to go slow to make sure the love interest is sincere – someone worth your while will honor the pace you desire. Look for someone who is available and enthusiastic – if you have to guess about whether the person likes you or look for signs, then the enthusiasm is not there, and you’re in for disappointment.

Should we go looking for love or expect it to come to us? Is it important to get out there and stay social?

I take a middle of the road approach. I’m famous for helping introverts bring love right to their door. I literally have a file folder of testimonials from people who found love while staying at home using my love attraction method. However I also believe in being as social as is comfortable.

I’ve helped very shy people come out of their shells and learn to flirt. The hottest person you see is the one most likely to be your soulmate and so we can’t leave them out – we must learn to be brave enough to connect with the ones attractive to us.

We’ve been asked out on a date but we’ve said no. How do we muster up the courage to face our dating fears?

We need to give ourselves a very stern talking to – a reminder that we don’t have to be perfect to find love, that we’re lovable as we are. One exercise that I use is to ask people to make a list of what they’re scared of. Once we’re clear on the fears, we can refute each one.

At the end of the day, that person is just another human being, maybe they are the one, shouldn’t we go and find out, it could go a lot better than we think.

Your soulmate will be crazy about you, just the way you are.

So… we’re going on that date now. What are the do’s and don’ts?

Be interested in the person in front of you and get them talking about themselves – they’ll be flattered by your attention.

Don’t think it’s make or break, nothing is and if they’re ‘the One’, there’s leeway for being awkward at first.

Look in their eyes, smile and either wink or touch their forearm occasionally to make a point – this creates chemistry and will ensure you don’t end up in the friend zone.

Don’t bring up your past on the first date – keep it light and just have fun. Deeper connections can come later, but right now, it’s just about enjoying this person.

Should we be cagey on a first date? If we’re too overly enthusiastic, will we scare away the person we’re trying to impress?

No! Being cagey is manipulative and the wrong approach. The thought behind it is, ‘I’m not enough and I have to behave a certain way or play games to get love’. You will not need to manipulate anyone to find love – your soulmate will be crazy about you, just the way you are. It is very powerful to be yourself and to know that you’re enough.

When will we know we’ve found ‘the One’?

Studies show that love at first sight only happens 10% of the time. For the rest of us, the signs can simply tell us that this person is intriguing to us and we want to continue seeing him or her. Something will pull us towards that person until the lightbulb goes off and we realise: ‘Wow, this is it! I’ve found my soulmate’.

How do we manifest our soulmate?

It’s a process I take people through that’s proven quite effective. It involves some inner work, like getting in touch with what we want (by making a list) and sending out a ‘soul call’, which is an inner invitation to the one we’re looking for – this ensures that we’re open and available for love.

But the mindset work is not enough, we also must be willing to change our dating and connecting patterns as well, to produce real love rather than the disappointments that so often can happen.

• break ups
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