Real Talk 1st August 2017 by Stellar Magazine
I Asked A Matchmaking Expert Why I Haven’t Met ‘The One’ And This Is What She Told Me
She broke things down into four simple strategies.
As someone who falls into the perpetually single category I know how infuriating it is to have people butt into your business and tell you where it is you’re ‘going wrong’ in your love life. But on the same hand, it’s also helpful to know if there really is something holding you back, like a limiting belief or an off-putting behaviour.
For people who are looking in vain and doing all the ‘right’ things to meet someone, it can be frustrating when the right person doesn’t immediately present himself. That’s why I sought the help of Rena Maycock, co-founder of Matchmaking sites Intro and A Real Keeper, to find out why some of us have more difficulty than others when it comes to finding the perfect match.
Here’s what she told me…
You’re not following the right avenues
Time and again we’re told that if you haven’t found ‘the one’ you’re just not trying hard enough, but what if you really have been putting yourself out there and still haven’t yielded the results you were hoping for? “By the time people call us, they see us as their last resort,” Rena tells me. “They don’t like the idea of online dating, and going to the pub to find Mr Right hasn’t been successful.”
In fact, one of the most common complaints Rena hears from clients is frustration that they haven’t met someone naturally, but, she clarifies, this rarely happens: for most of us it takes a real effort, and “going to the pub and dropping €100 in the hopes of bumping into your perfect match is a less fruitful way of meeting like-minded people,” she points out. Her advice? “Stop wasting your time hoping for a ‘meet-cute’ like you see in Rom-Coms,”. Instead, try other avenues like regularly going to gigs or trying niche dating sites and give the pub a miss. You’re much more likely to meet someone who shares your interests.
You’re too busy
“We speak with people all the time who claim they are too busy to take an hour out to come and meet us,” Rena explains. “Between finishing the thesis, working late at the executive job or focusing on other commitments, it’s impossible to find five minutes to even breathe.” The fix? Rena says it’s quite simple: “Make the time”. If setting aside a slot in your diary to focus on your goal of meeting someone helps, then do it. Mark out the time, make a plan.
You have unrealistic expectations
I’ve heard numerous variants of this (You’re too picky, you’ll never find a guy who’s XYZ…) and every time my response is the same: the qualities I’m looking for in someone shouldn’t be something I have to compromise on. Instead, Rena suggests refocusing your priorities. “There is no way any one person will tick every one of your boxes,” she says, “so if you have such a list you need to cull it right now and reduce it to three or four absolute must-haves.” The results in doing so speak for themselves. “We find that the clients who find their perfect match are those that have a realistic opinion of themselves and tend to focus on the reasons why a person IS suitable rather than obsessing about why they are not,” Rena surmises.
You don’t give things a chance
Hands up who’s guilty of this one? You meet a guy and he doesn’t exactly fit your criteria so you write him off and call it quits before giving the relationship time to develop. Rena’s advice? “Give even unsuitable-seeming matches a chance because you never know. If there’s a tiny hint of a spark, for goodness sake go on a second date – and a third!” she advises. “You could be surprised how different a person is once they’ve had a chance to grow on you.”
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