You Know You’re Single When…

Dick pics don't even shock you...

Valentines day – smalentines day, February 14th is an unwelcome day for a lot of the global population. Each year the hashtag #WhyI’mSingle takes over the Twittersphere in the lead up, showing us that being single isn’t all just eating ice cream alone and crying yourself to sleep – it’s self-deprecating humour too. Okay, we joke, but while being single can be a little grim, it can equally be great…

Your Laptop Has It’s Own Side Of The Bed

While most of your friends share their bed with their partners or even their children on occasion, you have a whole side of your bed dedicated to your electrical goods. Your laptop, phone, chargers and whatever else, take pride of place in your leaba, and tbh you wouldn’t want it any other way. They don’t snore, steal the covers, or wake you up because they’ve had a nightmare, so who’s the real winner here.

Dick Pics Don’t Shock You Anymore

It’s sad, but it’s true. Being single means that you on occasion put yourself out there via the online world of dating. A terrifying territory yes, but for some around you using it has lead them to the loves of their life and you want in on that romantic action. But unfortunately, instead of being met with prince charming, you’re met with unsolicited pictures of a sad looking penis, and the worst part about it? It doesn’t surprise you in the least.

You’ve Been The Third, Fifth, And Even Seventh Wheel

Your loved up pals don’t want to leave you out, and that’s sweet, it really is. But being the odd one out in a group of 3, 5, or even 7 only serves as an uncomfortable reminder that your love life is a little lacking this past while. So please, spare the single gals a thought and leave them out of that couples byob bowling night.

Your Life Is Drama Free

While your married friends and family are busy arguing about housework, finances, and other adult things, you’re over in the corner sipping on your drink, minding your own business, just breezing through life. With relationships comes arguments and one of the perks of being single is dodging the life outta these. Baby llama don’t need no drama.

Every Pizza Is A ‘Personal’ Pizza

Having to share food is one of the devastating prices you pay when you’re in a relationship. Those side chips you ordered? halved, oh you bought yourself a chocolate bar? Giz a few squares. But when you’re single, you don’t have to share shit with no one. The dominos meal deal menu is your oyster and if you want 8 slices of pizza all to yourself, not a soul on this earth can take that from you.

It’s Been A LONG Time Since You know…

Intimacy? Don’t Know Her. The closest you’ve come to sex in the last few months is rubbing up against a stranger on your packed commute to work. Of course you could get your bit if you truly desired, but navigating your way through the treacherous land of Tinder and one night stands is just too much of an ask (see #2), so you choose to let it be and leave it to fate. It’s just taking it’s time right now is all. 

You’re Always Prepared 

A lot of people think it’s single gals that neglect body hair (but if it’s a conscious choice not to shave, you do you). However, you know it’s really your married friends that are as lazy with grooming. You, on the other hand, are always ready, just in case you get lucky, and fuzzy stubble under your arms just won’t do.

You do whatever the F you want

Want to watch some really bad reality TV? Go ahead! Fancy getting your boobies out for a night on the town? No probs! Why? Because you are the boss. There’s no one to please or accommodate for, and that’s truly wonderful.You’re free as a bird and nothing or no one can cage you, or your boobs.

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