9 Things That Are Guaranteed To Happen During Every Irish Christmas

1. You’ve a bangin’ hangover

The obligatory visit to your local on Christmas eve is totally inevitable and as much as you say ‘You’re only popping down for one’ you know that’s just not happening. Once you have a glass of vino and you spot your ex fella you know it’s going to be a late one. Waking up on Crimbo morning with a hangover is less than ideal so you might as well ease the pain with an Irish coffee. Sure it’d be rude not to, right?

2. You still leave out treats for Santa and the reindeers

We know it’s silly but it’s a tradition we just can’t let go of. We always have to leave out a carrot, cookies and milk because well, what if Santa does decide to pop in one of these days and we’ve nothing laid out? We don’t want a sack of coal. You might leave out a naggin of whiskey too, and a mince pie for good measure.

3. You have to go to mass

All you want to do is curl up in your onesie and lounge on the couch but you’re dragged to 10am mass every.single.year. It doesn’t matter that you’re in your 20s, mass is a matter of life or death for your mammy and she’s even threatened to withhold Christmas dinner from you, so you know it’s serious. On the bright side you get to check out the local talent and maybe plant some seeds for the year ahead.

4. One relative always shows up drunk

So, the usual niceties are unbearable enough but when your aunty Mary shows up a little too merry you know it’s only a matter of time before she manages to insult everyone in the family and breaks your mam’s good china in the process.

5. Your mum kicks everyone out of the kitchen

Every single year it’s the exact same, your mum will scream and shout the house down when she’s cooking the dinner and when you go to help what does she do? Shoo you out of kitchen, only to spend the rest of the evening complaining that she has to do everything herself. Sure it wouldn’t be Christmas without a few spats, eh?

6. You’re force fed an extra helping of dinner

It doesn’t matter how much you protest, your aunty Gladys will always dump a load of extra Brussel sprouts, a secondary scoop of stuffing, and two completely unnecessary roast potatoes onto your plate. You’re already stuffed but you’ll eat it anyway.

7. Your Dad falls asleep straight after dinner

You’re not sure if it was the three glasses of wine or the second helping of dinner (see above) but he’s always flat out on the couch before the dishes have even been cleared off the table.

8. There’s always a family feud

It’s usually with your brother, who’s equally as hungover as you are.

9. No matter how stuffed you are, there’s always a buffet of turkey and ham sandwiches

Not content with scoffing two servings of Christmas lunch, working your way through a Terry’s Chocolate Orange and making a substantial dent into the tin of Roses, you’re still able to make room for the unending supply of turkey and ham sandwiches that have been laid out on the dining room table. The best bit? You already know you’re going to be eating them for the next three days.

• Christmas
• Irish