“Comes On Command”: So The Best Man’s Speech At Pippa’s Wedding Sounds Ridiculously Awkward

Wedding speeches are always a risky business. From stories that go on far too long to private jokes that should really never be shared, it’s easy for the bridal party to get it oh-so wrong, and it seems million-dollar nuptials aren’t immune.

Rumour has it that during Pippa Middleton and James Matthews’ wedding reception on Saturday evening, things got hella cringey when the best man Justin Johnson was handed the mic.

Not only did he liken the bride to a dog (yikes) he also took the tone down a notch with a slightly NSFW sex reference.

“Now, to the love of James’s life,” Justin reportedly quipped according to The Sun. “Beautiful, energetic, loyal, soft mouth, comes on command, great behind – that’s enough about James’s spaniel Rafa.”

Ugh. Awkward.

The innuendos didn’t end there.

Justin continued: “With the wedding shrouded in secrecy, I would like to reveal and wish the bride and groom a wonderful honeymoon in North Wales. At least that’s where I presume they’re going, since I overheard Spencer saying that James will be, after the wedding, going to Bangor for two weeks.”

In case you missed that one, Bangor sounds a lot like bang her. Geddit?

With certain Royals in the room, we can only imagine Justin’s jokes went down like a lead balloon.