I Lived With A Sociopath, And Other Nightmare Housemate Stories

From masturbating roommates, to sociopaths and hoarders, these four STELLAR readers share their most horrible flatmate stories.

Chandler and Eddie Friends

Anyone who’s ever shared an apartment will know that it’s not always plain sailing. From mouldy dishes to arguments about bills, sharing your digs with another human can sometimes be downright disastrous. Here, four STELLAR readers share their most horrifying housemate stories.

There were several hundred empty Penneys bags inside her wardrobe.

Laura, 24

Alarm bells really should have sounded when I first went to view my old apartment share. There was mess and clutter absolutely everywhere, but I was so desperate to find a place quickly – and cheaply – that I made the assumption that it was the old housemate’s stuff that was cramming up the apartment, and it would be gone by the time I moved in. Oh, how wrong I was. I ended up sharing with a hoarder.

She had three clothing rails jammed full of coats, jackets and numerous tops; several unopened packets of candles and knick-knacks; and what seemed like several hundred empty Penneys bags inside her wardrobe, not to mention countless other bits of rubbish that should have been binned.

Fed up with having to confine myself to about one square inch of space in the apartment, I tried to clear some space when she was out one day. She came back and threw a full-blown hissy fit, shouting, yelling and making threats. I moved out not long after. Thankfully, I now live with a sane person who doesn’t have a shedload of crap cramming up the entire apartment.

Three nights a week without fail he’d boil up this stinky, grey mince and eat it straight from the pot.

Sorcha, 29

When I was in college, I lived with a guy who just didn’t look after himself at all. He would drink two litres of Coke straight from the bottle every morning and only ever ate frozen foods.

His worst habit, by far, though, was when he’d make mince for dinner. He would boil a block of frozen mince in a massive pot of water until it turned grey. It looked like boiled brains and completely stank up the apartment.

Three nights a week, without fail, he’d boil up this stinky, grey mince, strain it, mix it with some ketchup and eat it straight from the pot. Disgusting.

Almost every night he’d masturbate really loudly into one of his socks.

Lisa, 29

I lived in hostels for years while I was travelling, so I’ve seen my fair share of horrible roommates, but perhaps the worst was this weed-smoking Canadian guy who openly admitted that he hadn’t had sex in nine years.

Almost every night he’d masturbate really loudly into one of his socks, while myself and the other eight people in the room would try to block it out. In the morning, we’d find said sock lying on the floor beside his boxers. It was gross. None of us ever confronted him about it, and once I’d moved out of the room I assumed I’d never see or hear from him again. That was, until he sent me a dick pic on Facebook on New Year’s Eve. Nice.

I Googled “Symptoms of a Sociopath” and she ticked every box.

Amber, 31

When I first met Lisa for a house share, she seemed warm, friendly and kind and, despite the myriad Buffy The Vampire Slayer dolls lined up around the fireplace, I thought the arrangement was perfect.

Oh, how wrong I was. Shortly after moving in, I discovered Lisa’s highly antisocial personality and began to feel super-uncomfortable during silent encounters in our shared – and tiny – sitting room and kitchen.

Then, awkward things started to happen. One evening, I had a friend over and we were chatting in my room, and my psycho housemate thought it’d be normal to start banging on the walls and roaring at us to keep it down. It was about 10pm.

Another time, I woke up to find she’d taken all of my still-wet clothes off our shared clothes horse and dumped them in a pile so she could use it.

After many more horrendous encounters, I Googled “Symptoms of a Sociopath” and she ticked every box. I packed up my things and got out of there pretty quickly. I have to admit, it’s pretty nice going to bed in my new home and not half expecting to find a deranged woman looming over me with a pair of my wet knickers in her hand in the middle of the night…