Is It Time To Go ‘Boy Sober’?

Who are you without a relationship?

Photo by Shukhrat Umarov / Pexels

Boy sober, a period of celibacy or abstinence, whatever you want to coin it, is the latest dating trend taking over TikTok.  

First made viral the end of last year by comedian Hope Woodard, the dating trend – or no dating trend – involves deleting all your dating apps, no dates, no texting (especially your ex), no situationships, no kissing and no sex for one year.  

Speaking to Cosmopolitan UK Hope said, “I come from a long line of women who have never been able to live without men.”  

She explained how even her grandmother with dementia was still texting her late husband. “It just made me think: this is going to be me. I’m getting ghosted by a guy, and my grandma’s getting ghosted by her literal dead husband. I was like, we have to stop the cycle.” 

After a series of failed situationships and bad dates, Hope took to TikTok at the beginning of her boy sober journey. The caption for the first video, which she shared in November, read: “Should we start a CULT.” She then later shared a video explaining all the rules.  

Since, there has been a large community of women hopping on the boy sober movement. Hope said in a TikTok, “’Celibate’ does not sound cool,” and we have to agree with her.

Celibate makes it sound like it’s for religious reasons or women don’t enjoy sex but Hope herself explains she is very sex positive; she is just sick of her thoughts being consumed by men and being constantly disappointed by them.  

@justhopinalongA boysober ad

♬ original sound – Hope Woodard

Let’s be honest here, the real reason so many women are going boy sober is not about the normalisation of hookup culture for men (even though it is an issue), it’s about a new generation of women who don’t need to be with men to reach their full potential

Women are no longer defined by the men in their life and going boy sober gives them a lot of time to focus on other aspects of their life, especially if they find themselves in a constant cycle of dating the same type of man. 

It’s about figuring out who you are without a relationship. Sure, you have probably been single for long periods of time, you may even never have been in a relationship, but have you ever been completely boy sober? I can’t say I ever have.  

In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, “After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart. The best we can do is breathe and reboot.”  

That’s the real win here for going boy sober, it’s essentially a reboot and finding value in the other aspects of your life. 

Finding value in female friendships, family and discovering new hobbies and interests is just a few reasons to go boy sober. 

Words by Abby Sammon