QUIZ: How Irish Are You?

You’re on the phone to your BFF and it’s time to go. What’s the appropriate sign-off?

“Right, I won’t keep you. Go on, talk soon.” (2)

“Okay, bye-buh-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye-bye.” (3)

“Goodbye darling, love you!” (1)

 

A stranger compliments you on your frankly stunning new ankle boots. You…

Recoil in horror, tell her you’ve had them for years and run away before she says anything else nice. (3)

Gracefully accept the compliment. They cost roughly half of last month’s salary, after all. (1)

Thank her, then immediately panic and offer to loan them to her, just to have something to say. (2)

 

It’s 9am on a Monday and you need caffeine, stat. What’s your drink of choice?

A matcha latte with soy, but only because the barista is out of almond milk. (1)

Barry’s tea in the largest cup you can find, a good splash of milk and no sugar, cheers. (3)

An Americano, no milk, with an extra shot of espresso. (2)

 

You have a potentially lucrative date tomorrow and a massive lurker of a spot is threatening to break out. What do you do?

Purchase every single item in Boots bearing the words “hyaluronic acid” (2)

Cover your face in Sudocrem before bed and hope for the best. (3)

Research natural spot-removal remedies online, and buy new concealer just in case. (1)

 

It’s Sunday and you awake with the mother of all hangovers. What’s the cure?

Brunch, coffee, and Prosecco, because you need the hair of the dog. (2)

A brisk walk in the fresh air and heaps of water. Hydration is key! (1)

A chicken fillet roll, copious amounts of tea, and Room To Improve repeats on RTÉ Player. (3)

 

You’re home for the weekend and find out that the lad you’ve fancied for roughly two decades is home from Australia… and single. What’s your move?

Get on Tinder immediately and start swiping. Surely he’s there somewhere. (1)

Book a blowdry and assemble your wingwomen. Tonight’s going to be a big one. (2)

Bide your time until Mass on Sunday morning, and catch his eye when you go up for Communion. (3)

 

You’re backpacking in Mexico and hear someone with an Irish accent behind you at the bar. You immediately…

Turn around and start slagging them, safe in the knowledge they’ll return the favour. (2)

Start talking to them, find out what town they’re from, and realise you once shifted their cousin at a GAA disco. Standard. (3)

Walk away. The point of travel is to embrace new cultures, right? (1)

 

How did you score?

(7 – 11 points)
Emily Ratajkowski. You’re technically Irish, but your heart’s just not in it. You hate being slagged, you can’t stand late-night singalongs, and if you’re being honest, you just don’t get what all the fuss is about with tea. A cup of hot water and lemon is just as satisfying.

(12 – 17 points)
Saoirse Ronan. You appreciate a good pint or six, but not every weekend, like. Oh, and don’t tell anyone, but you only know the first two and a half lines of Amhrán na bhFiann.

(18 – 21 points)
Gráinne Seoige. You’re as Irish as Coppers, Tayto, spuds and the Guinness Christmas ad. When you go on holidays you spend roughly two thirds of your time explaining how to pronounce your name, and you’ve definitely had at least one family member compete in the Rose of Tralee.

This quiz first appeared in STELLAR’s April issue. Our May issue on shelves now!