Sex In Self-Isolation: Whatever Your Relationship Status

Getting off shouldn't be a problem - and hey, it's therapeutic!

Okay, so isolation is absolutely shite, and we’re probably all feeling the slump by now. You might be feeling worried and stressed, and the last thing you’re thinking of is sex. With worry taking its toll, you may be fearful that things are going to be less heated with your significant other when you’re together 24/7, and if you’re locked up alone, well, self-satisfaction can only go so far.

So, you’re single…

Before all of this, you were single and thriving. Maybe you were hitting the clubs, having random Tinder hookups, relying on that friend with benefits, or just happy having the freedom of a single gal. But now things are a little different. Your Saturday night is now spent alone, your freedom has been thwarted and the only thing left is dating apps, minus the sex.

If you aren’t one for a DIY job, you may want to reconsider. In fact, masturbation is a huge stress reliever. An orgasm-induced endorphin release will leave you feeling satisfied and all-around happier (something we could all do with right about now), and it can even help you drift off to sleep.

If you are a self-proclaimed advocate for masturbation, how about switching it up a little? Try using sex toys, different positions or even venturing into porn. Aoife, 22, has been self-isolating alone, and admits: “I’ve tried a toy when masturbating, I usually don’t masturbate often at all so I’m trying to do it a bit more because it has great benefits on my mental health. Plus, it’s really difficult being without my boyfriend and with things changing so constantly we can’t say definitely when we will see each other again.”

If you’re a Tinder fanatic but you have been forced to interact via a virtual experience, why not try some dirty talk over WhatsApp? If you trust the guy, it can be pretty fun, but if you don’t know him well, NEVER, and we repeat, NEVER send any pics of identifying objects – your face, distinctive tattoos or birthmarks etc.

You’re in a relationship, but apart

If you have a partner but aren’t isolating together, phone or video chat sex is pretty much the only option you have left, and it can be really sexy. Turn down the lights, virtually ‘cheers’ over a bottle of wine and masturbate to each other. Dirty talk can be a real turn on in real life, but a game-changer virtually. Video chatting takes away touch and smell, so try to amp things up with dirty talk. Niamh, 34, lives with her sister but is used to her boyfriend staying over at least half the week. Now, she’s escaping into her room most nights for a virtual ride. “It’s actually brought a new dimension to our relationship, I never knew it could be this hot! I was a bit scarlet at first, but you get over it. Needs must.”

You’re in lockdown with your partner

You may be worried about falling into a sex-rut when you’re constantly with your significant other. But count your blessings that you have a partner right now because sex is about to become your best friend (if it wasn’t already). There may be a shortage of bread ingredients, but there’s definitely no shortage of time to get down.

With everything going on right now, stress and anxiety can ruin the mood and you might not be feeling your horniest. Sitting around in loungewear, not putting on makeup or wearing a bra can do a number on your self-esteem. Well, don’t let it. Pick a night of the week to make an effort, for your own confidence. Put on a bit of makeup or a bra with an underwire, and have a date night. Light some candles, seduce your partner. Just be careful, unless you’re excited about this baby boom talk…

If you’re at it like rabbits regardless, but it’s starting to get a bit tedious or you’re not feeling satisfied, it’s time to communicate. Talk to your partner and figure out what will amplify that sex life. If things are starting to simmer down in the bedroom, porn can be a good way to learn some new positions, roles and kinks, but be careful what you pick – some of the free stuff online is NOT sexty.

Ciara, 24, says: “My boyfriend has a chronic illness putting him at high risk. Before isolation he lived in the UK, and we saw each other every second weekend. It meant we had sex every time we saw each other as we knew it wouldn’t happen again for a while. As he is home now, we have sex every second day at least! It’s a bit more lazy now that we know we can have it whenever we want but it’s still good. I wouldn’t say it’s become boring, but all of our sex toys are at his house in the UK. We are definitely missing them but making the most of what we have!”

She goes on to say: “Because we haven’t left the house in ages, the bedroom doesn’t feel as exclusive or exciting. He is working from his desk in the bedroom and I am mainly working from the bed, so we are spending most of our time in that room. It makes it harder to associate it with sleep and sex rather than work. So I pounced on him in the kitchen last night, and it was great!”

Words by: Alannah Hanley