Why Platonic Relationships Should Be As Important As Romantic Ones

It wasn’t a boyfriend who talked me through my first heartbreak – it was in fact my best friend, who sat cross-legged on my bed and comforted me as I cried throughout the night with mascara pouring down both of our faces. This friend has always been there and always will. They know my whole life story, seen me at my highest highs, and my lowest lows and celebrate even the tiniest moments with me.

We all have grown up with the narrative that finding romantic love is the main goal in life. We’ve heard this story being told since we were 5 years old watching Disney movies to even now as we watch reality TV shows on dating and finding that lifelong partner. We are all programmed to accept that our happy ending involves finding the one – but have we ever stopped to think maybe we have found them. We see them in the friend who always answers the call mid panic, or who sends voice messages throughout the day just because.

We live in a world that’s obsessed with couple goals, engagements, marriages, the lot… and often our platonic relationships get pushed to the side and become background characters in the story of our lives. However, for many of us, these platonic relationships are real love stories too – so why aren’t they celebrated the same way?

@bbc ‘When I’m with my friends, I just feel like anything’s possible’ ❤️ #BBCWomansHour #BBCSounds #iPlayer #AimeeLouWood ♬ original sound – BBC

The hierarchy of love – why romance gets all the credit?

As a society we are naturally conditioned to hold romantic relationships at a higher level. There is so much pressure in life to find that romantic love and it seems like the main goal in life we are all trying to reach. The concept coined by Elizabeth Brake, amatonormativity, is the idea that society values romantic love above other forms of relationships.

If you have yet to find this love, it can leave you feeling sad and like you aren’t living a meaningful life. It’s no surprise we feel this way, even when we have stable friendships, because every question at family gatherings revolves around romantic love, and that sad look when you tell someone you aren’t in a relationship, as if they feel sorry for you.

Everything in this world has become centralised around romantic love, from holiday celebrations, movies, books and music – did you know that only 1 song out of every top 5 hits isn’t about love or romantic relationships?

We sometimes forget the importance of our platonic relationships because it’s rare that we see them celebrated in the same way as romantic ones. When you are in a romantic relationship every milestone and year you are together is celebrated – but why can’t the same be done for friendships? Some friendships last more than 20 years, and there is barley any recognition.

@yogi.in.heels Romantic love is beautiful, but the quiet, consistent love from friends? That’s soul medicine. 💛 Grateful for the kind of sisterhood that holds, heals, and shapes who I am. #sisterhood #fyp #viral #platoniclove ♬ For The Summer, Or Forever – Halftribe

The real benefit of platonic relationships

We need to change society’s way of perceiving and celebrating the platonic relationships in our lives – because after all, they are what keep us afloat throughout life! Without platonic relationships we wouldn’t be able to have romantic ones – they teach us some much about ourselves. From creating trust and building boundaries, to helping us show empathy and belonging and even helping us to create our identity, without our friends we quite literally would be nothing.

Having platonic relationships goes much deeper than we think and can have real benefits for out health and wellbeing. When speaking to the American Psychology Association, Zara Abrams, says that having healthy friendships are crucial to our wellbeing, and those who have strong friendships are more satisfied with their lives and less likely to suffer from depression and anxiety. Apparently, those with strong platonic relationships are less likely to die from heart problems and a range of chronic diseases.

If that isn’t enough, friendships can also protect us in the way we respond to stress, with our blood pressure reactivity being lower when we talk to our supportive friends. This is scientific proof that our platonic relationships truly do keep us alive and strong evidence on why they should be celebrated.

@sourinotsouriplatonic love shouldn’t come second to romantic love !!!

♬ original sound – lilia hope souri

Learning to treat friendships like the real thing

This needs to be our wake-up call to finally start celebrating our friendships. The majority of our fond memories and the people we become are all thanks to our friends, so we need to put more effort into showing our appreciation.

Have those friend-versary dinners, go on platonic getaways and mark all the big milestones. Do everything you can to celebrate friendships, because after all, romantic love will come and go, but your friends will always be there for you through it all.

By changing our mindsets, and shifting our focus to platonic relationships, it might change the hierarchy system of relationships, and relieve pressure to find “the one”, as we will feel happy and content with what we have. Instead of thinking that our soulmate must be someone romantic, why not think of the idea that our friends might actually be? Just like Charlotte York said in Sex and the City “maybe we could let each other be our soulmates”.

So let this be your reminder to go and send a little message of appreciation to those platonic relationships in your lives, and solemnly swear to never ever miss another friendship milestone again – because without them we wouldn’t have us!