What Happened When We Quizzed Our Boyfriends On Our Beauty Products
"It prepares your skin for the makeup ambush."
As women, we’re more than aware that the amount of makeup we accumulate is ridiculous.
We’ve a million products for everything, I personally use five different things just for my eyebrows, and will happily spend an hour or longer doing my makeup if I want it to be perfect. Nobody knows this more than my unfortunate soul of a boyfriend, Al, who has watched me (or should I say, has been present) while I’ve spent hours painting my face on multiple occasions.
I’ve often wondered if he takes what he’s seeing in, and the only way to find out was by putting the poor man to the test and asking him what he thinks the products I use every day are. Why? Because it’s funny, and I also had a feeling that the men in our lives aren’t as hopeless as we women think they are.
To make this feature a little more interesting, STELLAR’s Online Editor Valerie agreed to give her boyfriend Derek the exact same test, simply so we could pit them against each other and see who came out on top, all while laughing of course.
We collectively compiled a list of 10 beauty products to show our fellas and ask what they are. They’ll acquire one point for naming the product and another for knowing what it does, making it possible to earn 20 points collectively.
If you want to make this more fun to read, get a class of wine and drink every time Derek says “It’s for your eyes!”
Derek: “This is the thing that looks sharp, isn’t it usually pink? It looks like in Mario Kart when you’re first and someone sends a big old rocket at you from the back.
This is for eye makeup, because it’s soft and you need to be soft around your eyes.” – 0 points.
Al: “That’s one of those squeeze-y things. Is that one of those things you put in water and it gets bigger? Is it makeup remover? Do you wet it and wipe it off?
I just don’t know what it is like! Do you apply makeup with it? It’s a makeup sponge or something. It blends your makeup together. It’s for foundation.” – 2 points.
Derek: “What happens when you squeeze it? Is it for eyelashes? It’s for elongating or curling your eyelashes.” – 2 points.
Al: “Oh I know this one! An eyelash curler. It curls your eyelashes.” – 2 points.
Derek: “For curling your eyelashes! Cleaning out earwax? It looks like it’d really get in there and dig – deep sea cleaning.
It’s for doing your lines… your flicks… your wings. Rolling your eyebrows? Drawing your eyebrows?” -0.5 points.
Al: “This is for your eyelashes as well, no? Eyebrows. It straightens them or something. For brushing your eyebrows? Like a hairbrush for your eyebrows?” – 1 point.
Derek: “Foundation. Bronzer. Makeup. It makes you paler? It’s a layer? The first layer after foundation? For your eyes? CONCEALER. Eye glitter, it’s glitter. It’s for contouring your cheeks. Cheek glitter.” – 1 point.
Al: “Ooh it’s bronzer. It’s gold *swatches*. For your cheeks? Cheeks, chin, forehead. Is it for your nose? Is it blusher? I don’t know any other makeup words. Highlighter?” – 1 point.
Derek: “A makeup brush. It’s for your eyes, eye makeup. It’s bronzer. It’s for contouring your cheeks… *swatches it on his hand* It’s concealer, to cover up spots and imperfections.” – 2 points.
Al: *Opens it* “Fucking hell… I wasn’t expecting a brush to come out of it. Is this the thing you blend with your foundation? You put it on your nose and under your eyes. It contours?”– 1 point (minus 1 for bad language).
Derek: “You spray this before bed! It’s makeup remover. It’s to ready your skin for makeup. It’s exfoliating. It’s for your eyes? It prepares your skin for the makeup ambush.”
*Val tells him what it is*
“Why? Does your makeup just fall down? Does gravity affect makeup?” – 0 points.
Al: “A finishing spray. Didn’t you used to put hairspray on your face instead of this? It holds all the makeup in place.” – 2 points.
Derek: “Bronzer. Tan. It’s for your eyes. Contouring, to make your cheeks look jagged.” – 2 points.
Al: “Lipstick. Blending stuff? Contour? For your cheeks? Your forehead? Your chin?”– 0.5 points.
Derek: “Mascara. It’s for doing your wings. It’s for your eyes. Your eyelids? Eyeballs? Eyeshadow?Another earwax digger. An eyelash curler. It’s for colouring in your eyebrows, eyebrow filler.” – 1 point.
Al: “I feel like all these types of things are for your eyelashes or brows. Is this to darken your eyebrows? To colour them in? To straighten them? Give them a brow shape?
Is it a brow shaper? It looks like murk. A gel? Wax? It’s brow shape gel.” – 1 point.
Derek: “A face mask. Eyeshadow. Foundation. Why’s it green? WHAT’S GREEN?
It stops shine, stops sweat, stops your makeup running. It keeps your contour in check, hides your eye bags, makes you look alive, makes you look younger.” – 0 points.
Al: “It looks like Vicks. Is it some sort of moisturiser? It’s green, like.
Is it another finishing thing? Cara, I don’t fucking know. No idea.”
*Asks him what colour my face is*
“…Red. That covers redness of cheeks?” – 0 points.
Derek: “It’s a makeup brush. It’s light, so for light adjustments. For contouring, foundation, for your eyes. For the green? It makes your eyes look younger.” – 0 points.
Al: “It’s a brush, it looks like a paintbrush. Jesus I don’t know. Eh, I’ve already forgotten most of the things you’ve shown me. Does it blend in your highlighter?” – 0.5 points.
After bringing in a third party to double check our point system, we can conclude that Al won by a landslide. We’ll admit, both fellas did well, however it did take some hinting and coercing to get them there. We knew they weren’t completely clueless.
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