3 Big Fights Every Girl Has With Her Boyfriend And How To Fix Them
Arguments are par for the course in any relationship, but how can you fix them fast so they don't fester? We asked relationship counsellor Bernadette Ryan to find out.
Fighting with your fella on the reg? Miscommunication can be a common cause, says relationship counsellor Bernadette Ryan, from Relationships Ireland. “When couples don’t take the time to actually listen to each other, they scream and shout and nothing actually gets resolved,” she explains. “These fights can start out as trivial as who’s cooking dinner or who’s doing the laundry, and end up escalating due to poor communication skills.”
Luckily, Bernadette has some tips for diffusing a fight, no matter what you’re arguing about.
He’s left the dishes in the sink, didn’t do the vacuuming or dropped his socks on the floor again. Or maybe it’s you who’s not pulling your weight around the house. “This can often happen when couples move in together and spend all their time in each other’s company,” explains Bernadette.
Resist the urge to start yelling. If you’re arguing over trivial stuff it may be a sign of a lack of intimacy, so Bernadette says re-establishing the connection in your relationship is the first port of call. “Intimacy is very important in a relationship,” she explains. “Set aside an hour where you’re not allowed phones or screens of any kind. Then be sure to dedicate a certain amount of time each week to spend together, with no distractions.”
Never underestimate the power of a hug or a kiss.
Things aren’t just as hot as they should be in the bedroom. “Sexual difficulties can range from erectile disfunction or vaginismus to a lack of chemistry or lust,” explains Bernadette. “In other cases, a couple may be too busy or just too comfortable with their other half to make time for sex.”
Poor communication will only make things worse, so instead of placing blame or raving about being owed an orgasm, Bernadette has some alternative advice. “Go back to basics,” she suggests. “Become friends again and learn new things about each other. You can be intimate without necessarily having sex, so never underestimate the power of a hug or a kiss; women especially need this to re-establish an emotional connection.”
“If the problems persist, you should go to a sex therapist and they will give you advice and techniques. Above all, take things slowly.”
Infidelity can be a huge cause of arguments in relationships.
Whether you feel a little jealous, you’ve read some suspicious messages on his phone or one of you has been caught out cheating, “infidelity can be a huge cause of arguments in relationships,” explains Bernadette. “There used to be just basic physical cheating but now, thanks to the popularity of social media, there can be emotional cheating too. Sometimes chatting to someone online and forming an emotional connection with them can be even worse than a one night stand, and it can be much harder to recover from.”
The good news is, Bernadette reckons, that depending on how serious the infinitely was, most relationships can recover from cheating. “If it’s a long term affair or there’s repeated infidelity, it can be a lot more difficult than a one night stand,” she admits. But it is fixable, and in some instances can actually strengthen your relationship.
First up, “the partner who’s been cheated on must be allowed the time they need to be angry, upset and hurt and their partner must be understanding of this.” And if it’s you who did the dirty? You’ll need to deal with your guilt as well.
“There will be set backs,” warns Bernadette, “but this just has to be accepted and understood,” she adds, so you can move forward.
Have your say