Ask The Expert: Since Having A Child, I’ve Lost Touch With My Friends

Photo by Oleksandr Pidvalnyi

“I absolutely love my little girl but since having a baby I feel like I don’t have friends anymore. I’m the first of my friend group to become a parent and I feel a bit lost.

What should I do? Should I try to make new friends or talk to my current ones and let them know how I feel? I’m not sure if they’ll understand.”

An accredited life coach for mums and the founder of Mind Mommy Coaching, Laura Guckian (@mindmommycoaching) has supported over 2,000 mums on a one to one, group and corporate setting to help them become unstuck and be happier.

When we become mums we go through a process of matrescence. Matrescence is like adolescence but for mums. It’s the physical and emotional rite of passage as we transition to motherhood. It can last up to 10 years and happens each time we have a baby. During this time not only are we at our most vulnerable from a psychological perspective but everything around us is also changing.

Our values and belief systems change. Our lifestyle changes. Our friendships can change. This can leave many women feeling lost. To help navigate this, ask yourself the following: What one thing is holding you back from connecting with your friends? Is this a fear of judgement? Is it a lack of energy? Is it time? When you can name it, then you can start to solve it.

And what could you do to help overcome this? If it is time, could you send a quick voice note instead of a phone call? If this connection with your existing friends was introduced back into your life how would it make you feel? Would it add joy or stress to your life? This is key to help you determine if you really do want to reconnect with them. Then think about what would you like your friends to know about how you feel and write it down.

Ask yourself what part of this you would like to share with them. Sometimes it can feel hard to share how we really feel. But if they are your friends, I’m sure they might like to know how you’re feeling so that they can support you.

Talk to them. Now that you know what you want to say and how you are going to say it, try reaching out to one of your friends. This could be a text, email or call. Ultimately, remember this is a completely normal thing to experience as a new mum, especially if you’re the first in your group of friends to become a parent. Take it step by step and do what feels right for you.

You can follow Laura on Instagram here. 

Each month, we find the best advice for your conundrum. Send us your questions, on any topic, to @stellarmagazine or email Megan@stellar.ie with the subject line Ask The Expert.

• ask the expert
• parenting