Everything You Should Know About The Orgasm Gap

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The orgasm gap is real – and it’s back on our social media feeds.

This week, former Love Islander Yewande Biala announced her new Channel 4 documentary, Secrets of the Female Orgasm. The reality star and now presenter will attend a vulva workshop, a female-only sex club, and speak to doctors and experts about female pleasure, and the need for better sex education in schools.

The show will also consider the orgasm gap and the very real need to tackle the shame and stigma that still exists around female pleasure.

According to a study by the International Academy of Sex Research, 95% of straight men report usually or always orgasming when having sex, while only 65% of heterosexual women say the same. This number is understandably higher for queer women, with 86% of women saying that they usually come during sex with other women.

So, why does the orgasm gap exist in the first place?

University of Florida professor Laura Mintz has literally written the book on it. In Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters — And How to Get It, she argues that heterosexual couples – and society in general – have been thinking about sex “wrong,” and that the traditional images associated with sex are doing couples a disservice.

A few years back she told NBC News that “inequality in the bedroom” and a “cultural over-privileging of male sexuality and a devaluing of female sexuality” is the core reason behind the gap. Straight men have been taught that sex begins and ends with penetration, and as a result, many straight women have internalised this concept.

Photo by Roman Odintsov / Pexels

Mintz points to depictions of “media images of sex,” particularly in pornography, as a major culprit in the pleasure gap.

“What we see is women having these fast and fabulous orgasms from intercourse alone,” she said. “What I’m trying to fight against is the pervasive myth that orgasms from vaginal penetration — including the ‘g spot’ — are better, more ideal, the right way […] when in fact the vast majority of women need clitoral stimulation to orgasm.”

That’s not to say that all straight men are simply selfish in the bedroom (though, yeah okay, some of them might be). This lack of education around female anatomy has led to a complete unawareness of female pleasure, what’s likely to make it easier for someone to come, and how best for partners to communicate this.

Talking it out

Much of this lack of communication is born from shame, and a fear of potentially upsetting a partner who may not know what they’re doing in the bedroom. Many straight women combat this awkwardness by simply saying nothing, or worse – faking it.

Psychosexual therapist Audrey Casey McCormack told STELLAR back in 2021 that pretending to orgasm, even once, is a “slippery slope” for many women, and can likely lead to frustration and further stigma around what sex is “supposed” to be like.

“You need to get very clear in your own head first about why you have been faking it,” she said. “You’re not only deceiving your partner but not giving yourself permission to take as much time as you need to climax or communicate what you really need from sex. I would be asking questions around shame and how deserving you feel of pleasure and fun.”

While the orgasm gap remains a stark reminder of the inequalities that still exist when it comes to female pleasure, that doesn’t mean that with increased education, everyone will be able to come all the time during sex.

There are plenty of reasons as to why both women and men may struggle with orgasms, from psychosexual trauma to pain to hormonal and physical changes in the body.

As Yewande said in the lead up to her new documentary – “there is no shame” in never having experienced an orgasm, and finding pleasure that works for you.

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