Love & Sex 10th January 2024 by Stellar Magazine

How To Survive A Break-up – Officially

January is officially breakup month

Photo by cotton bro studio / Pexels

Dealing with a break-up? January has often been regarded as the unofficial break-up month of the year. With the Christmas period over and a new year beginning, whatever it is about January, many couples seem to not make it through the month. 

Here are some of our rules that will help you recover from a break-up, whether you were the one broken up with or the one who decided to call it a day.   

Rule #1 – No Contact  

As hard as the no contact rule is, it’s the only way to fully move on with your life. Allowing someone to still have access to you blurs the lines of where you stand with your ex. Although this won’t mend a broken heart if you want to grieve your past relationship, no contact is a healthy way to take ownership of your break-up. This includes unfollowing or muting them on all social media platforms. 

Meeting up for closure is not a great option either. In the world of break-ups, closure is a myth. You will find that you’ll never really get the answers you’re looking for and continue in a cycle of hurt. 

 

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Rule #2 – Don’t Get Sucked Into Toxic Positivity 

Grieving a relationship is hard, and it will feel like everywhere you look you see loved up couples. Many people will tell you that now is the time to find new hobbies and rediscover old ones that you may have put on the back burner during your relationship.

Although they’re right, for the first week allow yourself all the break-up cliches, eat pints of ice-cream, cry and stay in bed for the day if you have to, but don’t buy into the fad that you have to be healed and living your best life straight away. 

It’s okay to not feel like you’re ready to take on a new era of your life. After the first week when you feel rested, surround yourself with positive people, get out of the house and rediscover those old hobbies. 

 

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Rule #3 – Write a Letter to your Ex – But Don’t Send it 

As you’re doing no contact, write every single thing that you want to say to your ex down in a letter. This will help with the urge to text them and with the closure you may still be searching for. Be as brutal or emotional as you want – they’re never going to read it.  

Writing this letter takes these thoughts out of your mind and on to paper. Burn or throw it away if you have to, but looking back on these break-up letters once fully healed can remind us of how far we have come. 

 

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 Rule #4 – If You Bump Into Your Ex, Play it Cool 

Is there anything more dreaded than bumping into an ex? Unfortunately the chances of seeing the person who broke your heart or vice versa are high, and in the words of Carrie Bradshaw: “The odds of bumping into him when you look like sh*t are higher.”

If you do cross paths with your ex, you don’t owe them a conversation and frankly, there is nothing more awkward than making small talk with someone you use to share your life with.  

A simple smile and hello should suffice but whatever you do, don’t ignore or avoid eye contact. You don’t want to look bitter to your ex because at the end of the day it’s always better to be the bigger person (in public that is, let’s hope no one reads that letter from rule #3). 

Rule #5 – Say Yes To Everything

Keeping yourself busy after a break-up is a great way to move on. This is why saying yes to everything you’re invited to is a no brainer.

You will get the chance to make new friends and maybe even get yourself a rebound! Saying yes opens you up to a world of opportunity and there’s no better time to try new things than after a break-up.  

 

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No matter how many times you’ve gone through a break-up they never get easier. Grieving a relationship can feel like letting go of a life you once promised yourself. So be kind to yourself and remember healing isn’t linear.

Words by Abby Sammon 

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