"[People] can just be taken from you at any stage and that's terrifying and I don't think that's ever left me."
Rosie Connolly has opened up about how losing her dad brought on intense anxiety.
The blogger got honest about how difficult it is for her to talk about her dad, since he passed away over a decade ago.
“Every time I talk about my dad it’s quite heartbreaking. The life he had just wasn’t to be. He was such a good person, and such a kind person,” she revealed.
Rosie’s dad Peter suffered from a brain haemorrhage and a stroke after brain surgery when she was just a baby and she opened up about how she appreciates how he was still a hands-on dad after that.
“I don’t know my dad before his accident and his injuries but he was an incredible dad,” she recalls.
“He never no matter who it was had anything bad to say about them… he always saw the positive in everything, and considering everything he went through in life that outlook is phenomenal.”
Rosie’s parents split up when she was a child, and when she was 18 he went missing, and his body was found at sea.
“He was missing for about 24 hours, we had to go to the police station and give in pictures, we had to go around looking for him and that part was really hard,” she recalls, adding that her family had to step up during the difficult time.
“To see my sisters so upset and distraught, you never want to see your siblings in that situation.”
Despite the tragic circumstances, Rosie says that she feels blessed that she had him around for as long as she did.
“I’m so lucky that I had him in my life, obviously, I was 18 when he passed away but I got 18 years with him. And he was just our world,” she told Georgie Crawford on The Good Glow.
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She also revealed that she wishes she could have looked after him as she got older.
“I hate that we don’t have that chance now that we’re older to mind him in the way that I would have loved to. I was 18 so I couldn’t do what I wanted to do for him and help him out but if he was still here now we would be able to do what we would have loved to do for him and help him out.
“You think you know it all at 18, but that was 11 years ago and I was a baby,” she said.
Rosie, who is now married to Paul Quinn just welcomed her second child Remi in March. They have one son together Harry, who is four. The fashion blogger explains how growing up, and going through new life events can be difficult when you’ve lost someone.
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“That grief never leaves you, obviously, you learn to live without that person but it just totally changes you,” she said.
The loss of her dad brought on her anxiety, which she sometimes talks about on her Instagram stories. And while the blogger has previously spoken about social anxiety, she says it’s the fear of more loss that is the main cause.
“That’s when my anxiety all started. My fear is of losing people close to me, people that I love – I constantly have that fear. Every day I’m like things are too good to be true, they can just be taken from you at any stage and that’s terrifying and I don’t think that’s ever left me,” she revealed.
The star explained that because she knows what it’s like to lose someone, she’s understandably afraid of going through it again.
“The more people that come into my life, the more people I love, and my children, the bigger that fear becomes because I can’t bear the thoughts of not having them, or waking up one morning and that being taken away because I’ve felt that before.”
Thankfully, Rosie says she is learning to manage this better, and learning to be more present.
“I remember thinking is this just how life is going to be now? Waiting, with that nervous energy thinking what’s next. I’m learning now to live in the moment and try and appreciate what you have and what’s in front of you because otherwise you spend your whole life worrying what could happen and you can no control over it.”
She said that as time goes on, it’s the things he’s missing out on that hurts her the most. Like the fact that he never got to be a grandad to his seven grandchildren.
“It’s a new normal but not a normal you want to be in. All those life events, having children getting married all those things just hit home that there is somebody missing. That never got easier.”