Love & Sex 3rd November 2020 by Stellar Magazine

Ask James: ‘Is It Weird If I Think Of Other People While Having Sex With My Boyfriend?’

James Kavanagh answers your questions as only a gas bitch can.

I tend to get very sloshed and messy on nights out and I want to stop. I’d love to be one of those people who go out for a few drinks and home at a reasonable hour with no stains on their dress. How can I be glam and respectful? Joy, Cork

SAME. I tend not to class a good night a ‘good night’ unless I end up in a bin in Carlow with four new best friends. But we shouldn’t be like this, babes. An OUT OUT night is fine once in a while, but let’s try reign it in. In general, I’ve been trying to cut down on alcohol consumption and have found this works a treat: for every one drink I have, I also have a big glass of water. MAJORLY helps with the hangover (you kinda don’t get one if you stay extremely hydrated) and you generally drink less G&Ts if you’re busy also chugging water. Give it a go next time you’re out.

Any tips on reducing phone screen time? Last week I spent on average six hours a day on my phone. That’s pretty vile, right? Lauren, Dublin

Welcome to my world, bbz. I’m a fan of cutting down bit by bit when it comes to the ‘bad’ things in life. Cold turkey behaviour doesn’t really work for me. I’ve successfully stopped using my phone in bed; I now put my phone on the windowsill which I’d physically have to clamber out of bed to get. It’s meant I don’t do the usual mindless hour scroll before I go to sleep. I now plan on eliminating phone-time while walking about from place to place – I wanna take the scenery in! So try it like that; concentrate on patterns and eliminate screen-time bit by bit.

Is it weird if I think of other people while having sex with my boyfriend? Michaela, Dublin

Not at all. Sex is a bit like yoga, the mind wanders. However, there are boundaries I think. For example, if you’re thinking of your boyfriend’s best friend every time you have sex with your lover, well maybe your brain is trying to tell you that you in fact fancy the friend (or other people) more? At the same time, it could just be a phase. Keep an eye on it, but I wouldn’t worry too much.

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