How The Black Coffee Theory Might Just Change Your Perspective

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Imagine this. You walk into a coffee shop and make your way up to the barista. When she asks you what you’d like to drink, you answer, “I don’t know, I just really don’t want a black coffee.” She asks you again what exactly you do want, but your answer remains the same. “I don’t want a black coffee.” The barista walks away rather confused, tends to other orders, and when the time comes to make your drink, all she can remember is “black coffee”. And that’s what you receive, a black coffee, because that’s the only thing you mentioned. 

This scenario comes from the black coffee theory, an idea that’s been popping up all over social media in recent weeks. It’s an analogy for the way a lot of us live our lives, and how the things that we focus on subconsciously can have a massive impact on our reality. The idea is that if you focus solely on the things you don’t want in life, or parts of your life that you don’t like, then those are the exact things you’re going to attract into your life. 

@offgridaustin☕️

♬ original sound – Off Grid Austin

There’s a lot of research into how the way we talk to ourselves and how we perceive our own lives has a massive impact on the reality that pans out in front of us. This isn’t just a bunch of spiritual stuff that you can brush off, it’s actual psychology. If you genuinely believe something about yourself, for example, you’re not good enough at your job, or you don’t know how to socialise with big groups of people, you will view your life only through that lens, and eventually you’ll start acting accordingly.

If you repeatedly tell yourself that a specific event or situation is going to go badly for you, it probably will, because you will subconsciously act in whatever way realises your predicted outcome. It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. The black coffee theory is essentially tied to this phenomenon, and it encourages us to focus on what we do want out of life rather than constantly thinking about what’s going wrong or what we don’t want to happen. 

Basically, if you want something out of life, you need to ask for it specifically. And if you don’t want something, don’t ask for it. Don’t bring it up at all. Because why would you? The things that you don’t want in life have nothing to do with the things that you do, so why bring them up in your order? As the theory suggests, if you’re looking for a latte, then just say you want a latte, no need to bring up the black coffee at all. If you’re looking for peace, don’t keep telling yourself that you don’t want stress.

@thejacibee The black coffee theory: Imagine walking up to a barista, not knowing what you want to order, but you know for a fact that you don’t want black coffee – and you verbalize this to her She’s busy overwhelmed, and there’s 10 orders ahead of you. But by the time she gets to the machine, the only thing she remembers is black coffee So that’s what you get Not because you asked for it But because you fixated on the item that you did not want And this is how so many of us go through life and this is EXACTLY what I find myself doing too (all the time). Because if you know me, you know my frequent phrase is, “I don’t know what I want, but I definitely know what I don’t want” And this changes NOW. “I don’t want to fail” “What if I can’t make it?” “I don’t want to lose myself again” “I don’t want to gain weight” We never clearly say what we do want. When you’re vague, hesitant or apologetic people remember the fear – NOT the intention. But when you’re clear and authoritative, people remember the confidence and appreciate the direction. “I want an oat latte” “I want to feel strong” “I want structure, energy and consistency” So say the thing that you want Say it clearly Say it confidently Because the world is busy and it responds to certainty. And everything begins and ends in our mind, whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right And you absolutely can ☕️✨ #theglowmethod #womenshealthcoach #nervoussystemhealing #everydaymagic #maincharacterenergy ♬ original sound – Todd Williamson

Focusing on stress will only keep it on your mind and reinforce it in your daily experiences. Instead, tell yourself you want peace. Ask for what you want, and you’ll be a lot more likely to receive it. You need to realise how much of an effect your thoughts have on your reality, and how much control you have over your mind and your life. Just like a barista at a coffee shop, your subconscious needs a direct order to provide you with what you’re looking for, or to help you manifest it in your real life. 

So, if you’re feeling stuck in life right now, or you’re trying to avoid a certain situation, try not to focus on what you don’t want. Make it clear to yourself what exactly it is you do want. It could be anything, more money, a healthy relationship, peace of mind. Don’t tell yourself you don’t want to be broke, or you don’t want to feel lonely, or stressed. That’s not how an order works. That’s not how receiving anything works. Shift your focus towards your specific goals, the positives, and you’ll find that those positives become a lot more frequent in your life.