I’ve Jumped On The Stairmaster Bandwagon – & I’m Lowkey Obsessed

I know. I’m sorry. I’ve become that person.

The one who tries a new machine at the gym and won’t stop talking about it. The one who makes that machine part of her personality for the period of time she engages with it, before she moves on and does something else.

The one who posts videos of herself stepping, so everybody knows that yes, I am using the Stairmaster. I am mastering the stairs.

Workouts weren’t always like this for me. I’ve been a gym girlie for a few years now (I go max three times a week and am still somehow gloriously unfit), but I’ve always tended to stick to what I know.

@livvjordann My cardio/stair master routine 💦 Outfit: NEW @DFYNE dynamic in ‘navy’ launching tuesday 9/12 (dc LIV) #stairmaster #cardioworkout #stairmasterworkout ♬ It’s ok I’m ok – Tate McRae

Crosstrainer. Treadmill. Cycling. Repeat. Throw a few weights in there for good measure. I even had a period where I was very into spin classes – in fact, I still am but I don’t like committing to a specific work out time and therein lies my issue.

I tried the Stairmaster a few years back. It horrified me.

Literally. I had jut come off a bike machine and was sure that I could manage a few steps in an upward direction. I got on. I could hardly breathe. I got off. Fin.

Who knows what possessed me to give it another shot this year. Maybe I was bored of my routine. Maybe I wanted a challenge. Maybe I liked the idea of just stepping, while having my favourite show playing in front of me for an extended period of time.

That next time I got up there, I did five minutes on a low speed before I stopped. Now, I’m up to 30 minutes on interval speeds. And yes, it shocked me too.

@lcmayhassellhate stairmaster but gotta do what a girls gotta do.♬ the way i are – 🎸🪩

I’ve become that girl who’s on the Stairmaster for her entire gym session. She has thighs of steel. She could keep climbing forever, if there weren’t other people waiting.

Don’t get it twisted. I’m not a Stairmaster TikTok girl. I’m up there sweating more than I have ever sweat in my life. I’m aching. I’m struggling. I’m not drinking from a Stanley cup.

But still, I’m doing it. For years, I never worked out because I didn’t think I could. Going for a simple run left me feeling like I was having a heart attack. PE in school was my idea of hell. The Bleep Test nearly sent me into a coma.

Then I discovered that there were other kinds of fitness, other ways to move your body. I learned that I have far more strength in my legs that in my core, or arms, or… anywhere else, really, and that I needed to take advantage of that fact.

My arms may be weak, but my thighs are strong, and they can take me from a gentle climb to a brisk ascend in no time. While the new season of Love Island plays in the background, of course.