The Unpopular Opinion: I Just Don’t Believe In Soulmates

When I was younger, long before I was in a wonderful relationship (or any relationship for that matter) I was watching an episode of Friends where Phoebe thinks she’s found the perfect partner for Monica. He’s British, he’s a food snob and he loves cheese just as much as her. The big problem is of course, that she’s married to Chandler.

Obviously, Chandler freaks out, fearing that he’ll lose his wife to the handsome Englishman. When Chandler confronts her about it, she laughs and explains that she doesn’t believe in soulmates and that she’s very happy in their relationship.

“I don’t believe in soulmates, and I don’t think that you and I were destined to end up together. I think that we fell in love and that we work hard at our relationship.”

Long before I even knew what love was, that made a lot of sense to me. And so, maybe it’s because of Friends, but I’ve just never believed that it’s as simple as finding ‘the one’. The idea of soulmates is sweet and lovely, the idea that there is someone out there for everyone that loves them, respects them, shares the same values and beliefs. But who says you can’t have all that without it being a magic force that pulled you together?

I think one of the reasons that I don’t believe in soulmates is because people just don’t travel enough. If soulmates were real, we’d be jumping on planes exploring continents, inspecting prospective lovers like archaeologists. It’s just a little bit predictable or even convenient that your soulmate was in the same class as you in school, or grew up across the road.

If that’s you, please don’t take that to mean I think any less of your relationship, in fact, if you tell me you married your childhood sweetheart there is a huge chance I’ll cry. I am a true romantic and I LOVE love stories.

But I think in not believing that it’s just down to soulmates, your love story is even more magical. Whether you grew up on the same street, met in work, at a bar or on Tinder, the magic lies in you falling in love, working together to create an amazing relationship continuing to put in the effort and work and time it takes to keep a relationship just as special as the day you first met.

Saying your relationship is strong and wonderful simply because you’re ‘soulmates’ takes away the things you do every day for each other. I think we all deserve a little more credit than simply being soulmates.

Our editor Vicki disagrees with me a bit. While she doesn’t believe that there’s list one person out there for everyone, she does think that there are certain people that we connect with on a deeper level, and that can’t just be a coincidence.

“I am not a namby pamby person in the slightest, but for some reason when it comes to true love, I believe in the twin flame theory. It’s the only way I can explain everything that has happened in order to bring two people, two souls together, It’s that feeling of connecting with someone like never before, despite having been in love before.”

The other issue I have with soulmates is the belief that there is just one great love out there for everyone. If we’re lucky enough, we’ll get that in our lifetime. But for some people, the first time they fall in love might not be the only time. Even if it’s with ‘the one’, there are various reasons why they might not be together forever and I don’t believe that they don’t get another shot.

For those who lose their partner, at any age at all, there has to be another chance. Many will say ‘but it’ll never be the same’ and maybe it shouldn’t be. But I believe that someone who has gone through the devastation of losing a partner, can find true love again, still just as special and magical and real.

Saying I don’t believe in soulmates doesn’t for a second mean that I don’t believe in finding ‘the one’ for you, it just means I think it’s down to more than that, and thus even more special.

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• The Unpopular Opinion