Real Talk 14th February 2019 by Valerie Loftus

Ask James: ‘I Want To Ride My Colleague In Work. How Do I Bring It Up?’

James Kavanagh answers your questions as only a gas bitch can.

My new boyfriend is really messy to live with. It’s getting to a stage where I dread coming home to him and his filth. How do I deal with this? Ciara, Limerick

Suggest a cleaner. Both chip in and this totally eliminates fights associated with the trickiness of co-habiting. It basically saved my relationship TBH… If he refuses due to him thinking he pulls his own weight, rob the money from him; steal the odd tenner here and there. And just say you’ve decided to pay as a treat. You’re A) getting a lovely cleaning service and B) making him pay for his wicked ways – unbeknownst to him.

I’ve been on a date with someone in my job. When is it appropriate to suggest we take it to the next level and we have the ride? It’s only been one date but the sexual tension was off the charts. It was cut short when I had to go rescue my sister. Kinda wanna do ‘it’ in work. Roisin, Dublin

It’s all about communication; be transparent about what you want. If you’re eager to ride him in the stationery cupboard, just say it. Maybe he’ll feel the same way. Test the waters and send him some funny videos of office-related porn and gauge his response. If he’s just like ‘erm… lol’ then cease immediately. But if he’s all ‘oooh, that looks fun’ then you’ll soon be getting Post-Its and random bits of stationery stuck in places you never thought possible. Enjoy!

I was at a pub last week and met this guy who was with a sorta-friend of mine a few months ago. As far as I know it ended badly – she was really into him, and him not so much, I think it hurt her a little. I don’t want to rub salt into the wound, but I’d love a go of him – he’s so hot, captain of my local GAA team and is gas craic. Sarah, Cork

Fair game for sure (and PS I love a GAA player so I’m all up for encouraging this). The fact you said ‘sorta’ friend too hints that you don’t need to be that loyal, nor does it seem like she’d have any rights to be mad at you. Get this show on the road. And as a wise woman once said “If a GAA man is good with his balls in the streets, you can bet he is in the sheets.” So, what are you waiting for?

Tags: