Real Talk 6th April 2018 by Valerie Loftus

Here’s What’s So Problematic About Amber From Love Island’s ‘Sex Rules’

Amber says having sex on a first date shows a lack of 'self-respect'. Eh, no?

Every so often, there’s a moral panic over whether young people are having too much casual sex. Are we not taking it seriously enough? Should we have more ‘self-respect’?

Love Island winner Amber Davies was a guest on a BBC radio show earlier this week to discuss that very topic – for the segment, she recorded a video of her ‘5 New Rules For Sex’, which was shared on the show’s Twitter account.

“I’ve been speaking to my friends about the question ‘Is sex becoming too casual?’ and I think we need a new set of rules before saying yes to getting intimate,” she says.

Her rules are as follows:

No sex on the first date. If you don’t know the person, don’t have sex with the person. It’s all about self-respect.

If there is alcohol involved, ask yourself, ‘Are you going to regret it in the morning?’ Because when you’re under the influence of alcohol, you become a lot more vulnerable, male and female.

Don’t think sex is to impress. I think females and males would be a lot more impressed these days if you don’t put out on the first date.

We are absolutely binning the saying ‘no strings attached’ or ‘friends with benefits’. Us females, we all know we get emotionally attached after sex, so if you don’t want to get hurt, don’t do it.

Don’t follow the crowd, only because sex has become so casual these days doesn’t mean you have to do it. So stand up for yourself.

People have a few issues with Amber’s new rules, which have been labelled ‘sexist’ and ‘damaging’. Why does having casual sex automatically mean a lack of self-respect, for example? Why perpetuate the (very often false) stereotype that ‘females’ can’t have casual sex, because they get ‘too attached’? Or the idea that sex is a thing that women give to men, instead of something they also enjoy?

Amber’s list also leaves out something extremely important: Consent. If everyone’s happy and safe, what’s the problem?

Surely that’s what we should be telling young men and women, instead of making them worry or feel ashamed about having casual sex.

https://twitter.com/rebeccacaca94/status/981550370152435712

It’s sad to see that these attitudes are still SO prevalent today, especially when women are more outspoken than ever about sex. So here’s our one rule: As long as it’s consensual and safe, do what you want and don’t be ashamed about it. Get. Yo. Bit. 😉

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