Love & Sex 21st June 2023 by Lisa Mullaly

Can DatingTok Help Your Love Life?

I'm not convinced.

Pic by Monstera

We’ve all been there. You like someone, they’re all you can think about, but you don’t know how to handle the situation. Maybe they’re being distant, maybe you had a disagreement, or maybe you think they’re ghosting you.

So instead of making a rational decision about the situation, you decide to drown your sorrows in an endless stream of dances and viral videos to distract yourself from that 3-word text you sent 27 minutes ago. At this point, a TikTok love guru giving you expert advice can sometimes feel like faith. So you hang on to every word, and convince yourself that this random 10-second video will solve all of your problems.

Well, I hate to break it to you; they don’t know you or what’s going on in your life. Your For You Page may be tailored to your taste, but trust me – the waves of paternalistic advice that the app is throwing your way is not.

The TikTok algorithm knows you’re single, and it won’t stop until you’ve been in a relationship, broke your heart and are back to being single again looking for more unhelpful, but convincing advice.

@simonaacatalano

The first person u need to be loyal to is URSELF!!!!! PLZ DO NOT NOT SETTLE!!!! 🫶🏼#scaredofbeingalone #alone #datingtok #realtalk #neversettle #loveyoufirst #fyp #fy #youareworthy #youareworthit #getmad #pissedoff #listentome #focusonyou #letstalk #GoodDeedsCup #advice #relationshiptok #facts #factsoverfeelings #dailyadvice #dailyreminder #selflovereminder

♬ Sad Emotional Piano – DS Productions

Most of the time when we see videos of someone explaining how to be irresistible to your crush, or how to fix your attachment style, we’re generally just looking for someone to validate our feelings and the actions that we want to take, but know that we probably shouldn’t.

Everyone has been given some questionable dating advice from friends and family. But your friends’ horror dating stories and your mam’s opinions on chivalry are all harmless and a little entertaining, to be honest. DatingTok? Not as harmless. These so-called relationship experts use their virtual platform and condescending tone to make you self-analyse your behaviours and convince you to excuse your feelings with a diagnosis of a toxic attachment style.

A lot of these videos steer you towards self-love, which is great in theory. In the words of RuPaul, “If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell are you gonna love somebody else?” But when the advice being given is telling you that if you give yourself everything you want in a relationship, you’ll become more attractive – life becomes a constant self-improvement project.”
@thematthewhussey

What does it mean when someone tells us they like us TOO MUCH and it scares them to the point that they can’t be with us? #OccamsRazor #KeepItSimple #DatingTok #Commitment #CommitmentIssues #Hokum #DatingTroubles #Dating101 #RelationshipTok #LoveLife #MatthewHussey

♬ Run Boy Run – Woodkid

Who cares if I like to crave physical touch? Or I feel like the person I’m talking to not texting me back for a whole day is inconsiderate? That doesn’t mean I wasn’t loved as a child and now I long to replace those lost years with the attention from someone that I subconsciously know is emotionally unavailable.

I do agree that if you’re staring at your phone, waiting for someone to reply, then maybe it’s time to go on a walk. But starting a complete home renovation and documenting it on your stories so that the person you’re trying not to think about, knows you’re not thinking about them… come on!

I personally thought that a healthy relationship came from being straight forward and not playing games with whoever you’re interested in. But DatingTok experts have created new rules for how to navigate the modern dating world.

Apparently, you should never text first and ghost them randomly in the middle of a conversation. But also texting doesn’t really matter, because it’s more about talking to them in person. And we all know the infamous “if he wanted to, he would” line. These TikTokers have turned dating into into a contact sport, and personally I haven’t read the rulebook.

@brycespencerjones Do they even have the emotional capacity to treat you the way you want? #selfworth #selfworthiseverything #selfworthmatters #toxicrelationship ♬ original sound – Bryce Spencer-Jones


Dating is hard enough without trying to avoid the waves of continual commentary from nameless passive aggressive love experts telling you what to wear, how to act, and that you need to change your whole personality to ensure that you will meet the love of your life.

Whether you are looking for a long-term partner or in your single girl era, dating is supposed to be fun and relaxed. The messiness of single life is the best part. You should let the unexpected happen, and be yourself – because you never know what could come from it.

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