How To Not Get Consumed By A Crush

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Dating with confidence is a great idea in theory, but it’s concept that seems to disappear moments after meeting who you think is the person of your dreams.

We have all experienced that feeling. You know the one where you find yourself completely infatuated with a person, mesmerised by your every encounter, clinging on to every word they say… When you fancy someone, basically!

You will have convinced yourself that this person is your soul mate. Your mind becomes consumed with these obsessive thoughts that put everything about that person on a pedestal and so you are left with a subconscious fear of rejection.

You have built this person up so much in your head that the thought of them not feeling the same way is unimaginable, and consequently, you lose yourself. Crushes are fun sure, but it’s important not to let it totally take over! So how do we stop this from happening?

Firstly, let’s reel it back in a little bit… you have known this person for a hot minute!

It’s time to start dating with a different mindset. For a lot of us, the dating world has become one big ego knock. Let’s shift your perspective.

A crush is simply a lack of information

When we meet someone who gives off all the right vibes and leaves a sort of thrilling impression on us, we tend to let our minds fill in the gaps where we lack knowledge about them. We let the enthral blind us from reality and so we project our idea of the perfect partner onto this person we find attractive, creating a false narrative.

What’s worse, is we tend to alter our identity in an attempt to please this person. We pretend we have things in common with them or hide away our goofiness with the intent of playing it ‘cool’. You think this will impress them, but honestly, it’s just giving them an inaccurate representation of who you are, which is no way to kickstart a relationship!

Eventually, this limerence will wear away, and you will see this person for who they truly are and they you. Most of the time you are left feeling underwhelmed at the fact that they did not live up to your imagined expectations.

Other times, this person is as amazing as what you have led yourself to believe, but by the time you return to the ground, you have either scared them away with your eagerness or you have drowned out your unique personality with a more reserved alter ego.

What if we were to use this concept to our advantage?  Instead of becoming consumed by a person, we sit back, suss them out, and become okay with things not working out.

This is confidence 101… the key to dating successfully

You meet someone new. Maybe it’s someone in your gym or the infamous work crush. From day one, you need to go into the situation understanding that all you are doing is gathering information.

You don’t have a crush on this person yet, you barely know them! Take a step back and analyse the bigger picture. See if you are even interested in them before you give their interest in you a second thought.

As humans, we tend to let our fixations on other people grow into an obsession where we divert all our energies towards them, and so all the questions begin.

Do they like me? How do I know if they like me? What can I do to make them like me? Why don’t they like me?

At this point, it’s not them you’re questioning… it’s yourself! It’s time to remember who you are and nip that crush in the bud before things get out of control.

To be perceived as your most attractive and confident self when dating is to essentially make peace with the idea that things may not go in your favour. Who cares if they like you? For all you know, this person puts the milk in the bowl before the cereal! You do not have enough information.

Dating is all about absorbing what knowledge you can before forming an attachment. A lot of the time once you have carried out your investigation, a realisation that this person is not your match will follow … and that’s okay.

Nothing is more prepossessing than a person who is sure of themself and knows what is that they want. For you to be able to sit back and find out what it is that a person has to offer you before you bless them with your energy is so powerful.

If things don’t work out, just know that something better is to come. Once you have embodied this mentality, the realm of dating will fall right into the palm of your hand.

A crush is simply a lack of information and that, is the secret to dating with confidence!

Words by Shauna Whyte 

• Dating
• Relationships