12 Thoughts Every Girl Has When She First Joins The Gym

I’m a total gym cliche. All set for a ‘new year, new me’, I joined the gym the first week back in the office after Christmas determined that I’d have a new bod by the time the month was out.

Ambitious? Yes. Realistic? Um, no.

Between almost blasting out a 5K run on the treadmill and attempting to navigate the weights room without major injury, things were exhilarating and agonising in equal measure.

Here are just a few things that flashed through my mind while getting my sweat on for the first time in, like, forever.

1. I’m going to work out five times a week for 90 minutes at a time

By my calculations, I should have a VS angel’s bod in approximately three weeks time.

2. Two minutes into the workout: This feels fantastic!

Srsly, exercise is so easy. I really don’t get what all the fuss is about. I’ve never felt this alive and vital. Oh wait…

3. Oh god, my thighs are burning

And what is that stabbing pain in my side? Why have my calves gone numb? I think I’m dying.

4. Argh, I just got sweat in my eye.

My god, it burns.

5. Must keep running so nobody knows I’m a newbie

I’m pretty sure they all know I haven’t worked out in two years

6. I look like Bambi learning to walk on this cross trainer

Like, am I going backwards or forwards or what? I’m confused.

7. I’ve burned 350 calories. That’s the equivalent of a doughnut, right?

I mean, I can still eat doughnuts, can’t I?

8. What does this button do?

Oh god, why has my workout suddenly got a million times harder? Decrease incline, decrease incline!

9. That looks like a fun machine!

*Attempts one rep* Nope.

10. I’ll just try lifting that one kinda light looking weight over there in the corner. That looks doable

Again, nope.

11. Can’t I just skip to like three months from now when I’m all toned and shit?

If there’s ever been a time for time travel, it is now.

12. Every inch of me hurts

I am NEVER going to the gym again. Except I paid €70 a month and I have to. Ugh.

• diet
• exercise
• fitness
• gym
• health