12 Thoughts Every Girl Has When She First Joins The Gym

Gym newbie Victoria is finding out that not everything is as easy as it looks when it comes to working out.

Bridget Jones On An Excercise Bike

I’m a total gym cliche. All set for a ‘new year, new me’, I joined the gym the first week back in the office after Christmas determined that I’d have a new bod by the time the month was out.

Ambitious? Yes. Realistic? Um, no.

Between almost blasting out a 5K run on the treadmill and attempting to navigate the weights room without major injury, things were exhilarating and agonising in equal measure.

Here are just a few things that flashed through my mind while getting my sweat on for the first time in, like, forever.

1. I’m going to work out five times a week for 90 minutes at a time

Lets rock this

By my calculations, I should have a VS angel’s bod in approximately three weeks time.

2. Two minutes into the workout: This feels fantastic!

Brad Pitt Working Out

Srsly, exercise is so easy. I really don’t get what all the fuss is about. I’ve never felt this alive and vital. Oh wait…

3. Oh god, my thighs are burning

Working out gif

And what is that stabbing pain in my side? Why have my calves gone numb? I think I’m dying.

4. Argh, I just got sweat in my eye.


My god, it burns.

5. Must keep running so nobody knows I’m a newbie

Charlie and the chocolate factory

I’m pretty sure they all know I haven’t worked out in two years

6. I look like Bambi learning to walk on this cross trainer

Kim Kardashian Gif

Like, am I going backwards or forwards or what? I’m confused.

7. I’ve burned 350 calories. That’s the equivalent of a doughnut, right?

Homer Simpson Doughnut

I mean, I can still eat doughnuts, can’t I?

8. What does this button do?


Oh god, why has my workout suddenly got a million times harder? Decrease incline, decrease incline!

9. That looks like a fun machine!

Anchor Man

*Attempts one rep* Nope.

10. I’ll just try lifting that one kinda light looking weight over there in the corner. That looks doable

Adele at the gym

Again, nope.

11. Can’t I just skip to like three months from now when I’m all toned and shit?

gym newbie

If there’s ever been a time for time travel, it is now.

12. Every inch of me hurts

Reese Whetherspoon

I am NEVER going to the gym again. Except I paid €70 a month and I have to. Ugh.


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