20 Things We Never Thought We’d Miss About Nightclubs

It's been over a year since we boogied on a dance floor *sobs dramatically*, and Denise Curtin is even lamenting sticky floors...

1. The debacle over who will order the taxi into town? Ha! That’s now a thing of the past! Hop in, girls, this one’s on my card.

2. Queuing to get into the nightclub? Well, it’s a welcomed change from queuing to get into Tesco for toilet roll. Count me in, I hope I make friends in this tightly packed line.

3. €10 entry fee? Absolutely no problem. In fact, I’m very pleased to pay my way in. Thank you for hosting me in your establishment, I cannot wait to WAP the night away.

4. Speaking of WAP, there will be no usual lull in the playlist, no song that we’re not arsed with. It’s all new music to the dance floor and we’re giving every track a whirl.

5. Although the cost of club beveraginos will forever sting, the thoughts of my vodka soda not being in one of my kitchen mugs from Alicante ’07 has got me looking at things glass half full.

6. Bumping into people will no longer result in dirty looks. This feels foreign, exotic and fun. Thank you for touching off me, it’s been a hot minute.

7. In order for the night to be as painless as possible, regular heels are out. It’s only ‘dope’ and ‘fresh’ trainers from here on, to quote Bella Hadid herself!

8. The line for the women’s toilets now feels like the queue for a fun ride at Disneyland. Yes, I need to use the bathroom, but it’s just great to see public toilets actually open and in use again. Christ, what a fever dream that was!

9. I now enjoy playing the game of who will get served next with the barman. Will it be me (who has been standing here 15 minutes) or the girl next to me who has just landed herself at the bar, either way, there’s no stress, no rush, I’m different now, I’ve changed.

10. Coppers at 2am? Absolutely, count me in.

11. It will no longer be a cat and mouse chase to boycott familiar people at the bar, even if I even half recognise you, prepare for a long, deep and meaningful chat.

12. People screaming while singing around the bar seems almost magical now, especially when it’s to the chorus of Lady Gaga feat Ariana Grande’s ‘Rain On Me’.

13. No outfit is ‘too good’ or ‘too special’ for the club. If I get a drink spilled on me, so bloody what? At least it’s a story to tell tomorrow.

14. Positive mantra: I WILL carry change for the cloakroom, I will carry change for the cloakroom. Repeat x3 times.

15.  Sweat that doesn’t involve Joe Wicks, Chole Ting, and a yoga mat is welcomed; even if I’m not sure if it’s my sweat.

16. Finding your friend shifting some stranger after sending them 11 ‘where are you’ texts and leaving five accidental voicemails.

17. The great debate over chipper or Maccies after the night out… never again. Why? because we’re getting both, obviously.

18. Smiling while getting asked ‘and so, would you be driving back to Cork often?’ in the chipper by some lad eager to make small talk at 4am.

19. It’s all good vibes when trying to flag a taxi home despite the girls bickering over which direction they believe we should be walking to get one that’s empty.

20. The nauseating feeling that comes from lying down too quickly after a night on the tiles will now be met with pride. We did it, Joe. We’re back.

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